Best Title Ever
pontiff | May 13, 2010Chris sends me arXiv:1005.1381:A Mathematical Model for the Dynamics and Synchronization of Cows
Authors: Jie Sun, Erik M. Bollt, Mason A. Porter, Marian S. Dawkins
Abstract: We formulate a mathematical model for daily activities of a cow (eating, lying down, and standing) in terms of a piecewise affine dynamical system. We analyze the properties of this bovine dynamical system representing the single animal and develop an exact integrative form as a discrete-time mapping. We then couple multiple cow "oscillators" together to study synchrony and cooperation in cattle herds. We comment on the…
pontiff | March 8, 2010arXiv:1003.1153: Quantum Dating MarketAuthors: O.G. Zabaleta, C.M. ArizmendiAbstract: We consider the dating market decision problem under the quantum mechanics point of view. Quantum states whose associated amplitudes are modified by men strategies are used to represent women. Grover quantum search algorithm is used as a playing strategy. Success is more frequently obtained by playing quantum than playing classic.
pontiff | January 11, 2010Michael sends along an entry in the best title ever competition, this time a special baby Bacon edition: The pulse wave arrival time (QKd interval) in normal children
The Journal of Pediatrics, Volume 95, Issue 5, Pages 716-721
B. Bercu, R. Haupt, R. Johnsonbaugh, D. Rodbard
"In this household, young man, we will keep our quantum key distribution pulses above the rate of 1000 keys per second!"
pontiff | July 27, 2009A new entry in the best title every contest, arXiv:0907.4152:Born Again
Authors: Don N. Page
Abstract: A simple proof is given that the probabilities of observations in a large universe are not given directly by Born's rule as the expectation values of projection operators in a global quantum state of the entire universe. An alternative procedure is proposed for constructing an averaged density matrix for a random small region of the universe and then calculating observational probabilities indirectly by Born's rule as conditional probabilities, conditioned upon the existence of an…
pontiff | November 24, 2008How did I miss this, an obvious entry into the best title ever contest:arXiv:0810.2587
A photonic cluster state machine gun
Authors: Netanel H. Lindner, Terry Rudolph
Quick, duck for cover, Terry is shooting us with cluster states!
pontiff | October 12, 2008A new entry in the best title every competition:arXiv:0810.0827: Sine function with a cosine attitude
Authors: A. D. Alhaidari
Someday I promise that I will use the phrase "an exponential function with a logarithmic attitude."
pontiff | September 25, 2008An entry into the "best abstract ever" subcompetition of the "best title ever" competition, arXiv:0809.3979:Counterfactual Quantum Cryptography
Authors: Tae-Gon Noh
Abstract: The 'quantum counterfactuality' is one of the most striking counterintuitive effects predicted by quantum mechanics. This manuscript shows that the counterfactual effect is not merely an interesting academic theme, but that it can also provide practical benefits in everyday life. Based on the quantum counterfactual effect, the task of a secret key distribution between two remote parties can be accomplished even when no…
pontiff | July 29, 2008Someone at Caltech's PR office sure was having fun:
Caltech Astronomers Describe the Bar Scene at the Beginning of the Universe
PASADENA, Calif.--Bars abound in spiral galaxies today, but this was not always the case. A group of 16 astronomers, led by Kartik Sheth of NASA's Spitzer Science Center at the California Institute of Technology, has found that bars tripled in number over the past seven billion years, indicating that spiral galaxies evolve in shape.
Oh, I can tell you all about the bar scene near Caltech. Dive bar: The Colorado. Beer for graduate students: Lucky Baldwin's. Quantum…
pontiff | July 9, 2008A new entry in the best title ever competition appeared last week on the arXiv:arXiv:0806.4874Why devil plays dice?
Authors: Andrzej Dragan
Abstract: Principle of Relativity involving all, not only subluminal, inertial frames
leads to the disturbance of causal laws in a way known from the fundamental
postulates of Quantum Theory. We show how quantum indeterminacy based on
complex probability amplitudes with superposition principle emerges from
Special Relativity.
I bet the devil would play a mean game of liar's dice.
pontiff | April 24, 2008A new entry in the best title ever competition: arXiv:0804.2162, "The secret world of shrimps: polarisation vision at its best", by Sonja Kleinlogel and Andrew G. White. Secret lives of shrimp? That sounds more like an expose on the secret drug habits of the Roloffs on the T.V. show Little People Big World, than the title for a scientific article. (Yes it is politically incorrect to call little people "shrimps." Having spent the first many years of my life being stared at for have a little person as a sister, however, I think you can cut me some slack, and just laugh :) ) Let's see if…
pontiff | April 3, 2008Today, I looked on the arxiv and found arXiv:0804.0272:arXiv:0804.0272
Quantum computing using shortcuts through higher dimensions
Authors: B. P. Lanyon, M. Barbieri, M. P. Almeida, T. Jennewein, T. C. Ralph, K. J. Resch, G. J. Pryde, J. L. O'Brien, A. Gilchrist, A. G. White
and nearly fell out of my chair. What an awesome title. A least for me, when I first parsed the title of the paper, the first thing that popped into my head was using spatial dimensions to speed up quantum computation (as opposed to using higher dimensional quantum systems.) Gots to get me some string theories to build…
pontiff | February 29, 2008Another checkmark in front of the "antrhopic reasoning is whack":
arXiv:0802.4121
Title: Ants are not Conscious
Authors: Russell K. Standish
Anthropic reasoning is a form of statistical reasoning based upon finding oneself a member of a particular reference class of conscious beings. By considering empirical distribution functions defined over animal life on Earth, we can deduce that the vast bulk of animal life is unlikely to be conscious. As a side effect of these deliberations, I also show that naturally occurring fragmentation/coalescence processes give rise to a power law distribution of…
pontiff | November 29, 2007One of the funniest abstracts to a paper on the arxiv in many moons appeared yesterday, authored by Carlos Mochon:
arXiv:0711.4114
Title: Quantum weak coin flipping with arbitrarily small bias
Authors: Carlos Mochon
"God does not play dice. He flips coins instead." And though for some reason He has denied us quantum bit commitment. And though for some reason he has even denied us strong coin flipping. He has, in His infinite mercy, granted us quantum weak coin flipping so that we too may flip coins. Instructions for the flipping of coins are contained herein. But be warned! Only those who…
pontiff | November 8, 2007Many of you know I'm a big fan of funny/creative paper titles. What with journal editors squashing every last ounce of humanity our of scientific papers, it always makes me happy to see someone else fighting the editorial machine. Today a friend sends me "Heavy Ion Collisions at the LHC - Last Call for Predictions," by S. Abreu et al arXiv:0711.0974 (scirate here.) which cracks me up.
I'm not sure why it cracks me up, but probably because it makes me think of an overloaded boat leaving the dock with a bunch of crazy haired theoretical physicists flinging themselves at the boat at the last…