Botanical Pornography
bushwells | December 15, 2006
This fearsome beast is a Puya raimondii, a member (har) of the pineapple family. The specimen was photographed by an unknown (to me) botanist in the high Andes of Peru.
Hat tip to my wandering co-blogger, Kevin "Just Me, My Banjo, and My Bonobos" Beck, for sending this along.
bushwells | December 8, 2006
Hat tip to Keith N. for calling my attention to Isabel Cuadrado's lovely photos.
bushwells | December 1, 2006These meat puppets are some sorta Sarracenia, and reside in the Haupt Conservatory at the NY Botanical Gardens.
Check out The International Carnivorous Plant Society's web site for more tasty tidbits.
bushwells | November 23, 2006I see that ol' amino acid chestnut, Mr. W, who also goes by the moniker of tryptophan, is making the "science of Thanksgiving" rounds here at SB. Over at Chaotic Utopia, Karmen offers a very nice piece on the science of concocting an exquisite gravy. But what good is a gravy worthy of peer review, I ask you, if the mashed spuds which are to receive it are a gluey blob reminiscent of grade school paste?
Sadly, far too many cooks commit the heinous act of overmixing boiled potatoes. With the goal of creating a smooth puree, the cook whirls stainless steel beaters through the cooked root…
bushwells | November 17, 2006
From The Trenton Tepal:
The White Hand of Saruman recently retired to an herb garden in downtown Princeton, NJ. The White Hand said, "A symbol of corruption and evil can only take so many years of being slapped on the shields and other accoutrements of mage-domination. I am happy to have found my retirement home here among the morning glories, zinnias and Princeton Tiger tea cups." Garden visitors noted that they approved of the White Hand's new look. Said Professor Freehand Thriceon, "The thyme, chives, and rosemary are much more becoming than the black blood of the Uruk-hai."
bushwells | November 10, 2006Strap a thong bikini on this baby, cue the sultry bossa nova stylin's of "The Girl from Ipanema," then sit back and sip your caipirinhas.
Canna lilies are a familiar cultivar in many gardens, and add a tropical flair in temperate climates. They belong to the family Cannaceae and are its sole genus. Cannas, which are not true lilies, are in the order Zingiberales which includes ginger and banana plants.
bushwells | November 3, 2006OK, this is less than subtle.
This is some sort of Anthurium, and also resides in the Haupt Conservatory at the NY Botanical Garden. The spadix is characteristic of the family Araceae (arums).
bushwells | October 27, 2006Spiked for your pleasure...
These rampant beauties are specimens of Echinoposis strigosa and reside in the Haupt Conservatory at the New York Botanical Garden.
bushwells | September 22, 2006Nothing lascivious about this specimen. This is the kind of flower you'd take home to meet mom, dad, the cousins and grandma. Cue Dusty Springfield...
bushwells | September 15, 2006Insects and plants co-evolved because insects are the marital aids of flowers. Magnolias entice beetles, apple blossoms seduce their bees, and orchids go to elaborate lengths to draw in horny wasps. But sometimes sex toys go bad and take eating out (nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean, say no more!) to an extreme. For example, check out these gaudily striped, ribbed-for-her pleaure dildoscerpillars.
Here's a dude munching away lustily. His little claws give that extra stimulation.
A double headed toy for fast action:
And here's the orgy shot. That parsley plant didn't have a…
bushwells | August 25, 2006She waited, yearning, quivering, and she spread her vivid pink petals wide. Then she heard the buzz of his wings then felt the caress of his six legs. "Yes, yes, that's the spot," she cried as she strained and lifted her tender pistils toward him. "Damn," he thought to himself. "Those babies are as red as Mrs. Gardener's canker sores. I'm goin' in!"
bushwells | August 11, 2006Petals and sepals...do you know what your buds are watching?
Please see The Perry Bible Fellowship for more of Nicholas Gurewitch's comic strips.
A pant-hoot of appreciation goes to SiBling Karmen of Chaotic Utopia for reminding me of this bit of florotica.
bushwells | August 4, 2006Madison WI - Members of the Oconomowoc Happy Hoes Garden Club were outraged during a horticulturally themed tour of the University of Wisconsin campus. When the ladies viewed the UW-Madison Botany Garden near Birge Hall, many gasped and one fainted upon viewing the Essence installation. "I am outraged that state tax payers' precious funds might be supporting this kind of filth," said Edna Svendborg, Happy Hoes president, as she was confronted with "The Flower."
"It's far too alluring and obviously a terrible influence on the impressionable young students of this sedate conservative campus…
jfiore | July 28, 2006Not to be outdone by the good Doc, I have included a few quick flower porn snaps from the hot, lurid, sexually charged grounds surrounding my house. Well, to be honest, it's just plain hot, as in approaching 90F with more humidity than a swimming pool.
First on our parade of porn is the common tiger lily, resplendent in its plumage, showing off for all to see. It begs "Pollinate me! Pollinate me! Oh, god yes, pollinate me!!" Such a naughty one. No Spring tulip this trollop be.
And now we move on to the less common but still exhibitionist balloon flower. Note the distended veins of desire!…
bushwells | July 28, 2006
Here's an orgy, or to put it more chastely, a dance of Delosperma cooperi, common name, hardy ice plant.
This specimen, which grows happily in Einsteinville, is a member of the Aizoaceae family (stone plants), and related to Carpobrotus edulis, the ice plant which spread through California. The ice plants, whether of the type which line Highway 101 or survive New Jersey winters, are of South African origin.
bushwells | July 21, 2006Who says that only chimps, bonobos and other receptive primates sport livid pink genital swellings? Check out this Dragon's Wing begonia.
Photo courtesy of my 18 year old son who fortunately is of an age to engage in such lurid photography.
bushwells | July 14, 2006Here's a salacious image from my little corner of the Garden State.
Just look at that yearning pistil and those turgid stamens. Ooooh, baby! Here's the full shot of the flowers.
Part of my rather checkered undergrad majors included botany. My interest in plant physiology shoved me in the direction of biochemistry and organic chemistry, but I retain an affection for plants. These Casa Blanca lilies are just a few of the flowers gracing my deck.
My undergrad research project involved 1,3-beta-glucan synthase (EC 2.4.1.34) which I more or less isolated (please don't ask me about protein…