Pointless polls
pharyngula | July 7, 2009This is so stupid it hurts. Check out the Missing Universe Creation Museum: it's got all the usual creationist jabber. No transitional fossils, all mutations are harmful, and my favorite, prominently quoted, "If you don't believe God created all living things, male and female, in 6 days…How many millions of years was it between the first male and the first female?" How about no time at all, they coevolved? And you must take their evolution test — it will definitely make you laugh.
After you've browsed the site for a bit, they also have a poll. They want to know how effective they are at…
pharyngula | July 6, 2009I know! He's dead! But that's one corpse that you know isn't going to rest easily.
First, the ghouls are out in force. "psychic" ghoul James Van Praagh says he's been having conversations with Jackson's ghost; ghoul enabler Oprah Winfrey has quickly snatched him up to appear on her show and make the entire country disgusted.
Sylvia Browne, quick to gnaw the scraps off the bones, now claims that she has been chatting with the dead guy. Coming in second means she gets the consolation prize of appearing on the Montel Williams show.
There is now a video circulating about that claims to have…
pharyngula | July 6, 2009I don't think I'd trust this Latvian money-lender to stay in business for long — he's giving small loans and asking for your soul as the only collateral. He doesn't employ collection agents, using only fear and superstition to get people to pay him back, which might work for a little while…but only until the atheists show up. Sure, I'll take a loan for $500, and hey, I think I'll just default and let you keep the collateral. If you only want to trust me for $1.98, that's fine, I'll take it and you can have my soul for as long as you want.
There's also a poll with the story: Would you use your…
pharyngula | July 3, 2009There is a strange correlation: most of the atheists I know are straight, yet when I post a pointless poll like this one, I know with near certainty which way the godless hordes of Pharyngula will try to skew it.
Do you agree with President Obama's decision to extend certain benefits to gay partners of federal employees?
51.38% Yes
48.62% No
It goes further, too. We atheists tend to strongly favor women's rights and equality in the marketplace, yet only about half of us are female. I could bring up an article like this one, in which conservative democrats demand that abortion services not be…
pharyngula | July 2, 2009I hope you're not feeling restive, and struggling to suppress an urge to smash the crockery — but if you are, go smash this poll instead.
Is it Possible to Believe in God and Darwin?
Yes
79%
No
20%
Undecided
1%
Silly poll. Of course it is possible, since people do.
You're in luck — this one actually has two polls.
Evolution, Creationism or Both - Which Do You Believe?
Evolution is a myth
7%
God is a myth
34%
I believe in both
51%
I'm not sure
9%
I have a strange tingling sensation in my forebrain that portends some major changes in both polls.
pharyngula | June 26, 2009At least, given the current tallies. But go ahead and vote anyway.
The Catholic church is a force for good in the world.
For 7.6%
Against 91.2%
Don't Know 1.2%
pharyngula | June 24, 2009Even if he does try to clumsily word his polls to drive answers towards the one he wants — we're smart enough to see through that and boldly click where we want. Let's surprise Congressman Duncan Hunter with the vigor of our response.
Do you support a government imposed healthcare policy?
Yes, even if it requires tax increases.
54.2%
No, we can reform healthcare without a government-run plan that limits choice.
44.4%
Unsure
1.4%
pharyngula | June 17, 2009The Republicans are asking the party faithful to fill out a biased poll. The purpose is not to get a snapshot of public opinion, but to mislead people by presenting leading questions. Or, as Mike Haubrich explains it:
The point of push-polling in politics is not to gather opinion, it is to "push" towards a certain viewpoint by exposing the opposite viewpoint as being untenable.
If you've got a few minutes and want to cause some bafflement among conservative pollsters, have fun with it.
pharyngula | June 16, 2009A majority (60%) of Australians think same-sex marriage is just fine. The story has an associated poll, though, and the results are tipped just a little bit the other way. What's wrong here? Fix it!
Are you in favour of same-sex marriage in Australia?
Yes
44%
No
55%
We might have some opposition on this one. A Christian, anti-science, anti-choice, anti-gay organization called Salt Shakers is pushing this poll, too. We must defeat them. Steamroller the salt shakers!
pharyngula | June 15, 2009Read an online debate between Troy Newman, stooge from Operation Rescue, and Cristina Page, a legitimate advocate for reproductive rights, and then vote on who made the best case. Newman made the same hypocritical arguments the anti-abortionists always make, so I know where my vote went. But of course the knee-jerk goons from Operation Rescue have already hit the poll, and Newman is claiming to have won.
Well, sure, the poll shows Newman leading Page 54:46 right now, but that might just change soon. You think?
pharyngula | June 13, 2009This one is already going our way — and when you see the question, you'll understand why — but if you would like to give it a little boost, please do.
Who makes for funnier comedians, atheists or believers?
Atheists -- To fully appreciate the absurdity of life you have to accept the absurdity of a god.68%
Believers -- Hilarity is part of God's plan32%
They've got examples and clips at that link, and it's no contest.
Who have the godless got? George Carlin, Ricky Gervais, and Eddie Izzard. You could stop the contest right there.
Who have the godly got? Dane Cook. I've never been able to stand…
pharyngula | June 11, 2009Sure you do. They put up a poll just for you.
Do our visitors Love GOD?
Yes 70%
Maybe 4%
I don't think so 3%
No 22%
pharyngula | June 9, 2009Hmmm. I wonder how you people feel about medicine vs. non-medicine? Maybe I should piggy-back on a quack poll to find out.
How do you feel about alternative medicine?
47.9%
I think it's great used in conjunction with traditional Western medicine.
20.1%
I'm a big believer and use alternative medicine therapies exclusively.
30%
I'm very skeptical.
2%
I don't know.
pharyngula | June 8, 2009Wretched Todd Friel (Remember him?) has put up another stupid poll. Show him what his survey is worth.
I am:
99% said:A) An evangelical Christian.
1% said:B) A Roman Catholic.
1% said:C) An Atheist/Agnostic.
Hey, do you think he'll change his radio talk show format to appeal to the new audience his poll will reveal?
pharyngula | June 4, 2009This is a somewhat unconventional poll — the site lets you vote on issues, and they've set up one as creation vs. evolution. Vote for one or the other!
Creationism
Â
The religious belief that humanity, life, the Earth, and the universe were created in their original form by a deity.
Â
Evolution
Â
A changes in the inherited traits of a population of organisms from one generation to the next. First published by a scientist Charles Darwin.
This poll has been up since March, and it tracks votes with a chart — maybe we can put a big downward glitch in the line.
pharyngula | June 2, 2009People were complaining that that last pointless poll was too easy to knock over. Here's a tougher one.
What's your reaction to Barack Obama's proclamation designating this month as 'LGBT Pride Month'?
It is a well-deserved celebration - 1.81%
No big surprise from this administration - 21.56%
Sin gets a whole month - National Day of Prayer barely gets a presidential nod - 56.07%
What next? Adultery Adoration Week? - 20.56%
You'll need some bigger numbers to overcome this one — it's got 19,000 votes already.
Although, I must confess, I rather like the choice that's winning so far. Yay sin!…
pharyngula | June 2, 2009The Horizon Church of Towson asks what I'm sure is a very sincere question.
How old is the Earth?
about 6000 years old 28.13 %
about 4.5 billion years old 37.50 %
I am not sure 34.38 %
Gosh. This question has a very simple answer. Maybe you should tell them what it is.
pharyngula | June 1, 2009Look at this mess of a poll. And it's even associated with an article that plainly says, "Medical authorities have answered that question firmly in the negative" as the very first sentence!
Do vaccines cause autism?
Absolutely. They caused my child's autism.
13%
Probably. I've seen evidence that suggests a link.
25%
Possibly. I am weighing the evidence.
34%
Probably not. Most of the evidence suggests there's no link.
15%
Absolutely not. There's no link between vaccines and autism
11%
pharyngula | May 31, 2009It's a silly poll, but seeing such one-sided numbers (one-sided in the wrong direction!) just irks me. Teach this person that you can't just smugly throw up a pointless poll on the internet and expect affirmation.
Do You Believe in Jesus Christ?
Yes
95%
No
3%
I Don't Know/Maybe
1%
pharyngula | May 23, 2009Oh, yeah, we did…but now this silly poll has popped up elsewhere, sans previous pharyngulation. I'm sure you can fix that.
Do You Believe You Evolved From An Ape-like Creature?
No (68.0%, 327 Votes)
Yes (32.0%, 153 Votes)
I do not know (1.0%, 3 Votes)
You know, I'd like to know what kind of creature they think they did evolve from. And if there is "nothing", they ought to re-word their poll to "Do You Believe You Evolved?"
(By the way, dig a little deeper into that site — it looks like christwire.org is a parody site. It says something that the very same poll that onenewsnow.com presented…