Via Jesus' General, I learn that any possible hypothesis that I could possibly be innocent, or that I could conceivably get into heaven, is in fact incorrect. You can find out whether you are innocent by visiting needgod.com. Alas, that title is an assertion, not a question, and the quiz will not help you determine whether you actually "Need God," just that the God they need is prepared to toss everyone into Hell.
I don't like these people. The God they worship is a prick, and they tend to emulate him. While I usually question the wisdom of attributing gender to an incorporeal supernatural entity, I think it's appropriate here.
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Their God is too stupid to be a prick. Even a child has more sense.
Consider that God makes a list of rules before you are born. If you break any rule in your whole life, you will be punished for eternity.
Now think what would happen if God was given the job of housebreaking a puppy. He would let the dog whizz on the furniture and crap on the carpet from puppyhood through old age all the way to its death, when its bladder and bowel would void their last. And then God would punish the dead puppy for all eternity. What would be the point of starting a rewards-or-punishment program after there was no possible chance of it having any effect on the recipient's life?
If God failed to get this after the first couple of tries, okay, he's stupid. If he continues this policy for a thousand of the dead, face it, he's an idiot. But a million? A billion? Even an idiot is trainable. God is incapable of learning.
Equivalents to God in intelligence: turd, smoke ring, pebble, piece of grit.
Theology like this is why I don't go to church anymore. Congratulations, conservative Christians! You've scored another soul for Satan!
In a side note, I love that the last question they ask you is "Are you concerned about going to hell?" Seriously. Who needs a theoretical hell when we've got the world right here we're living in? The folks who make up stuff like this (and hoo boy, is it made up!) are living in my version of hell right now, hoping to earn their way into heaven with it. Me, I'm enjoying this whole life thing, and heaven is an experience I've already had, as is hell, so I know my options, and what it takes for me to experience each one.
So no, I'm not worried about going to hell. I've been there. I know the way; I also know how NOT to get there. ^^