Something's Brewing with Nude Mice!

On any given day millions of Americans inch forward in a brutally tedious queue, staring at the big board over a Starbucks counter with the same keen look seen in a church pew around thirty minutes into the sermon. Typically they make only one major decision during this visit, viz. whether to order a caffeinated or decaffeinated drink. If they only knew that two other crucial decisions lie before them, two that could affect their health for years to come. They are:

1. Should I leave my car in the parking lot and run home?

2. Should I renew my membership in the nudist beach club?

Astonishing to percolate over, but thanks to mankind's incessant thirst for knowledge we are now just a little bit closer to grinding out some answers. Intrepid researchers at Rutgers University, in affiliation with the International Society of Murine Pulchritude have conducted a fascinating experiment.

Groups of hairless mice, whose exposed skin is vulnerable to the sun, were the test subjects in experiments in which one set drank caffeinated water (the human equivalent of one or two cups of coffee a day); another voluntarily exercised on a running wheel; while a third group both drank and ran. A fourth group, which served as a control, didn't run and didn't caffeinate. All of the mice were exposed to lamps that generated UVB radiation that damaged the DNA in their skin cells.

The scientists then looked for evidence of apoptosis, also known as programmed cell death, by examining samples of skin cells and measuring levels of the enzyme caspase-3, which carves up a defective cell when apoptosis is activated. They also measured levels of p53, an important protein used by the cell to either repair damaged DNA or trigger apoptosis. The results suggest that caffeine and exercise may protect skin cells, at least in hairless mice, by removing damaged cells before they can turn malignant.

Compared to the UVB-exposed control animals, the caffeine drinkers showed an approximately 95 percent increase in UVB-induced apoptosis, the exercisers showed a 120 percent increase, while the mice that were both drinking and exercising showed a nearly 400 percent increase.

I'm not certain where they plan to take this line of research. I suppose one could put treadmills in coffee shops, or espresso machines in health clubs, or maybe tiny little coffee pots in mice cages. What if we just avoided excessive ultraviolet radiation? Then we could justify morphing from sleek (if not a bit jittery) athletes into sleepy, out-of-shape schmendricks. Given the fact that UVB-induced skin cancer is a major health problem in this country maybe someday we'll all be trotting down the road sipping java from Camelbaks - our fair skin slathered in sunscreen, of course.