Notes from a secluded grant writer

Hello world. It's been about a week now that I've given up bench work for the pen. Instead of commuting to the lab, I've been anchored to my chair writing this longish compilation of past results, inconsistencies in the literature, and my little addition to the confusion that exists in my field of study. On top of that I need to prepare a talk for the upcoming Keystone symposia on "Translational Regulatory Mechanisms". So much to do, so little time.

Intersperse between my thoughts are visits from family and friends through instant messaging. "how are you? what have you been up to? it's your turn on scrabulous!". Once and a while I head over to some political blog to see what damage the two headed monster has brought onto the myth of senator Obama's life story. I think to myself someone should scare all these little Hillary voting democrats, if she wins, there's a good chance that plenty of support will leave and head towards a third party ... provided that Bloomberg enters the race.

The other night Jenni and I took my sister in law out to the movies to see Atonement. It was a great movie. It's treatment of Briony Tallis, sided with my view of human psychology. We are all delusional. We all believe in these fantastic convenient truths that support our wants, wishes and fears. These items of faith are taken as fact. We justify these beliefs with ad hoc post-rationalizations. This pattern of delusion is the struggle we all face as humans. It's true of scientists, politicians, church leaders, barbers, mortgage lenders, free-market ideologues and any other group of individuals. But eventually the bubble burst. Sometimes it's a the publication from some rival group, sometimes a stock market crash, sometimes it's your sister leaving the family, and sometimes it's the country that you've invaded and molded with your ultra free market ideologies that turns into a land of anarchy. But eventually the fantasies will clash with reality. And in the end reality always wins. It may be quick (as it happens often in science) oir it may take generations. But the longer it takes the more the presure builds, until the fantasy is no longer sustainable and reality crashes down like lake Pontchartrain onto your below sea-level city.

But when it does happen, should we be able to wash our guilt away? Should we be able to atone for our foolishness? If you're a scientist, you may pay with your career. If you're a player of the financial market, you may pay with your wallet, but your clients may pay with their homes. But it would seem that if you're a senator who enabled a disastrous war that wrecked the lives of millions, you may not have to pay the price at all. In fact you might even be elected as president.