Han Solo and Chewbacca weigh in on their hybrid Millenium Falcon

Here is some silliness to get back in the swing of things. Composed whilst waiting for Ben (Cohen) at the Vancouver Airport, recently rejected by McSweeney's, and likely to make an appearance at one of my sites in the not so distant future.

Still, I was (and still sort of am) seriously considering shopping a better version/take of this piece to a place that "pays per word", mainly because it would be deliciously ironic to get compensated for words like "Uuuuhhhggg", "Gggrr", and "Rrrrn."



HS: Well, so far, it seems like it's a pretty good thing. Me, I'm not too up on the technology, but Chewie is pretty good at that stuff. Right Chewie?

C: Uuuhhhggg. Rrrrggghhh. Hhhgg-aaa. Rrrrn.

HS: Yeah, that's a good point. Chewie just reminded me that this new system has significantly increased our energy efficiency. Which basically means less money spent at the pump, and more money for blasters and shit like that.

C: Rrrrrr! Aaaa-Ghhhuuurr. Uuuuhggg.

HS: Right. And lower emissions too. Although, I don't get why that would be such a big deal in deep space. Do greenhouse gases do anything out there anyway?

C: Uuuuhhh-rrrr. Ghhhgggg. Uuugggg. Ggg. Rrrrr-uuuuaa. RRRR! NNHHHUUUR!

HS: Alright, alright. Hey buddy, calm down. I'm not saying it's not a problem. I know there's good science behind all this stuff. It's not like you haven't told me about being environmentally conscious like a hundred times already. Look, I'm sorry buddy. I didn't mean to sound negative. It's not like I'm one of those Empire bastards.

C: RRRR! Grrr uuur huuurgg RRRRRRRR!

HS: Yeah, for sure. It would be pretty funny to watch you pull the arms off a one of those guys.

C: Gghhnn. Nnnnh.

HS: Uh huh. But listen, Chewie, seriously, O.K? How would lower emissions in deep space help? I just don't get it, you know?

C: Grrrrgh. Uuurhh. RRRggllhh. Hhuu-hhhuu. Auhhh-ghu-gh. RRRRR!. Ggg-rrr, uurrghh. HHGGU! Uuuuhh. Rrr, ggghhu. Huuhhhg. GGGrrr. Uhh?

HS: Oh, O.K. That makes sense. Fewer emissions is still good because the Falcon still has a trajectory that leaves or returns to a planet. And that act still directly contributes to increasing greenhouse gas amounts within the confines of the planet's atmosphere - hence, not helping with the global warming problem.

C: Rrruuhh. Hggu. Rrr-ghhuu. Gggrr. Ggggrrr. Rrrrh. Uuuhhggr. RRRR! Uhhgghug.

HS: Definitely. Global warming is bad in so many ways, not the least of which is that Tatooine is already too fucking hot.

C: Rrrrrhhg. RRRGGH! Hhhuurrg. Ggrrgh. Huurg. Grrhhg. Guuuaaauu. AAAURRGG! RRRRGGG!

HS: Yes, that is a good point to end this conversation. And as for me, basically, I'm pretty happy with the hybrid situation. Really, as long as we can still make the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs, I really don't give a damn. Also, I can still say stuff like "Punch it Chewie," so all is right with this universe. Chewie loves shit like that, you know.

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