#2 reminded me of a small boy at bath time. Did they check gender when they selected the two?
Is this what makes you "...a veritable expert on tawdry cosmetic procedures gone horribly awry..."?
Yes, but isn't your experience more likely to be with a swab for poking into one orifice or another and not a lipstick? Looking at it from the pig's perspective, I know which I'd prefer.