Yesterday's post was frustrating. However, if anything good came out of it, it was some sharing of stories and mutual affirmations on the Twitters that yes, this happens to women all too frequently; yes, it's obnoxious; and that hopefully some people viewing it thought about their own internalized biases, and how those may reflect in behavior toward women. I'm reminded at times like these how important social media networks have been to me, both in introducing me to new people (I've already found many new scientists to follow because of this) and in having an outlet to discuss and commiserate. So, some thoughts.
1) I hadn't considered this in the beginning (because it's my life and all), but from the write-up alone, I probably sound like "just a mom," especially with my baby's picture within the post. I mention at one point my colleague and link to a fellow scientist, but let's be honest--people don't always read these posts carefully or all the way through. So I was an easy target. Many studies have shown that people still describe scientists as old, white men--the Einstein stereotype. Just google "scientist" and check out the images: a bunch of nerdy, older white guys for the most part, and a handful of women (some scantily dressed, cause that's exactly how we science, amirite ladies?). I got this type of attitude just the other day, as the driver who picked me up at the Philadelphia airport (a driver who routinely transports scientists!) was still surprised that I was a young woman and doing the work that I do. I've gotten that response previously at conferences as well. Women just aren't accepted as scientists, even at times by other people working in the field.
2) I think many people (especially men) may underestimate or not understand just how frustrating this type of behavior/attitude is to women. Or worse, minimize it or not accept that this happens. I've been gaslighted previously by male (and female!) colleagues, telling me that surely my perception of a situation or event was incorrect. I accepted that they were right at the time (this was long before #ripplesofdoubt or other such support and story-sharing). No way would I stand for that now.
3) Blowback. The current situation involved a pseudonymous man on the internet, but all too often in these types of situations where women are dismissed and their expertise minimized people are involved who are more difficult to ignore. They may be senior colleagues in one's own department or college. People in the field who could be reviewers of your papers or grant applications. Even collaborators who, in theory, should respect your training and value your expertise can try to appropriate your work because they see themselves as more important. (Thankfully this has not happened to me, but it has to several of my female colleagues, with mixed results in the end as far as credit, authorship, etc.)
In the end, much of this type of sexism is not conscious on the part of the one initiating it. I'm sure that people who told me I don't look like a scientist meant it as a compliment and truly believed it was--because after all, scientists aren't supposed to be young, or female, or particularly attractive. I'm sure that those that may have assumed I'm "just a mom" and didn't bother to pay any attention to my professional accomplishments before explaining my field to me don't think they're particularly biased against women. Outright, blatant bias against women is much tougher to get away with today (in theory, anyhow), but the more subtle, "everyday" sexist behaviors are still very much amongst us. If it hurts people's feelings that they get called out on these, well, tough. The only way things change is by shedding light on them. I have a bright spotlight and I'm not afraid to use it.