I have not yet been released because the fearless leader for the hospital was unable to speak with me today (she makes the ultimate decision), but it looks as though tomorrow will probably be my discharge day.
The social worker found three potential programs for me to attend on the outside -- programs that are either support groups or a program with a psychiatrist/psychopharmacologist -- which I prefer. But both of which will cost a fair amount of money, even though they are on a sliding scale. Unfortunately, attending one of these programs will be the only way I can maintain my prescriptions, so it looks as though I have no choice in the matter. I am seeking cheap sources for my medications as well as patient assistance programs to help out with the cost of my meds, but even these are not free.
It's very very discouraging to know that I could be spending more money on mood-stabilizing drugs and a psychiatrist/psychopharmacologist than I spend on rent each month. And I am a young, healthy, albeit unemployed, person! Imagine how much worse it would be if I was 20 years older and in this same situation!
Contrary to my previous impression, the institute is not throwing me out without any guidance or assistance (they will give me one week of drugs upon discharge, for example), but I will definitely be on my own. One one hand, this excites me, but on the other hand, it saddens me greatly. I had an excellent rapport with my current shrink, who is a medical resident here, and it fills me with tremendous loss to say goodbye to him. I don't trust easily, so I am filled with trepidation when it comes to finding a new shrink to fill his place. I also made some close friends here among the staff whom I am terribly sad to lose contact with.
So even though I am learning more about the programs that they are setting up for me, I am still very very sad because I wanted things to end differently. I didn't want this to end in a fight, neither a court battle (which, I learned today, I most likely would have won) nor with an unexpectedly early discharge after a financial emergency caused by the person caring for my birds.
Additionally, on my unit, there is a tradition where the patients get together and either make or purchase a goodbye card for the person being discharged. We all sneak around the unit with the card so all of us can surreptitiously write farewell wishes to our soon-to-be-discharged colleagues, all while the intended recipient pretends not to notice what is happening. But because of the sudden nature of my discharge, there is no goodbye card for me, neither purchased nor hand-made (which I far prefer). I badly want a hand-made card, a collage card made by my roommate, who is a collage genius, and I want it filled to overflowing with sentiments from my fellow inmates and the staff and doctors -- a card that I would keep forever.
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How the heck did this nuthouse story get started in the first place?
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Have you looked into the Mood Disorder Support Group? Its a support group in Manhattan. When I used to live in NYC I went to the meetings. Its almost free of charge. A membership costs 45$ a year and they have two meetings a week in the evenings. They have a web site. http://www.mdsg.org/
Best wishes on the outside, and please keep on writing about your life and experiences.
All the best to you grrlscientist. Your blogging about this whole thing has been very moving and frustrating (because i can't help)but I think it also shows that you have some decent coping skills and a damn fine attitude towards the world in general. Be as happy as you can be.
(and maybe move to Canada where we have cheaper drugs and which would probably be ocvered under healthcare anyway:))
A new begining on a fresh new day - how wonderful! I'm hoping you find your apartment as you left it.A reunion with the birdies and a long hot bubble bath would be at the top of my list. Please check this link for help with meds.(hope yours are available): https://www.pparx.org/Intro.php Not knowing your internet status at home don't forget most librarys have computers to get on-line...take care and keep on posting!!
You amaze me with your resilience and eloquence in the face of such difficult times. Lots of hugs and don't hesitate to let your readers know how we can help you. I hope you find the solution that's just right for you. (((BIG HUGS)))
Seconding the MDSG -- I haven't been to meetings in a long time, but when I did they were supportive and friendly. Their newsletter is also cool, with several month's advance notice of their lectures, pun contests, and articles, including a column by Dr. Ivan Goldberg, who's one of their board members. (Besides being PsychoPharm head for Columbia, "Dr. G" is well-remembered on Walkers for his insight, empathy, and gentle wit.)
Best of luck! Call us if you need help!
Even though things didn't end the way you wanted, I'm glad you're getting to go home. Best of luck to you and stay in touch.