A reader of mine, knowing I am going through a rough time right now, sent me this to cheer me up. Of course, I had to share it with all of you, too!
Top Ten Saying Of Biblical Mothers
- Samson! Get your hand out of that lion. You don't know where it's been! (Judges 14:5-8).
- David! I told you not to play in the house with that sling! Go practice your harp. We pay good money for those lessons!
- Abraham! Stop wandering around the countryside and get home for supper!
- Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego! I told you never to play with fire!
- Cain! Get off your brother! You're going to kill him some day!
- Noah! No, you can't keep them! I told you, don't bring home any more strays!
- Gideon! Have you been hiding in that wine press again? Look at your clothes! (Judges 6:11).
- James and John! No more burping contests at the dinner table, please. People are going to call you the sons of thunder! (Mark 3:17).
- Judas! Have you been in my purse again?!
- Jesus! Stop working on that old wood and come in and eat! You'd spend your life on that wood, if your father asked you to!
And the number one Biblical saying of mothers is:
And the missing Eleventh Commandment is ..
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Brings to mind that old python sketch.
Saying 6: Noah! No, you can't keep them! I told you, don't bring home any more strays!
Saying 7: There is no saying 7.
Saying 8: Gideon! Have you been hiding in that wine press again? Look at your clothes! (Judges 6:11).
Abraham was a real pissant who really couldn't settle.
Noah the sailor was a boozy beggar who God would like to nettle.
Adam and Eve both got the heave for drinking from the kettle,
And Job poor guy was a beery swine who was made for testing mettle.
There's naught Ezekiel couldn't teach you 'bout the raisin' of the wrist.
Solomon they say was permanently pissed.
Joseph was a pill of his own free will, after half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
King David, they say, could stick it away, 'alf a crate of whiskey every day!
Jeramiah, Jeramiah never could get dry-uh, Daniel was fond of his Dram.
And God Almighty had a fancy so flighty: "I am just what I am."
Lucifer himself is particularly missed;
A fallen little angel and a bugger when he's pissed.
What's New Moses going to do?
LOL!
... And Jesus spoke to the crowd saying, "let he who is without sin among you, cast the first stone". At which, an elderly woman stepped forward and threw a cobblestone at the adulteress, striking her in the head. And Jesus said, "Mothherrr!...".