I'm not really here

I had something of an interesting experience this afternoon. I stopped into a local Stop & Shop to pick up a new razor and a few other necessities, and because I only a had a few items I decided to use the self check-out. On my way over someone dropped two boxes of cereal on the ground as I was passing by so I bent down, picked them up, and put them in the cart. The person didn't even look at me. It was somewhat bizarre; the person was talking with a friend no more than a foot away, yet it would seem that they didn't hear the box smack the floor, notice me pick it up, or realize that they had reappeared in their cart. I would have at least expected a "Hey! What are you doing with my cereal?"

I wasn't expecting a thank-you, but I would have thought that my presence would at least be acknowledged. This made using the self check-out even more bizarre. It rang me up, walking me through the steps with a simulated voice, and I received more interaction from the machine than with any people at the store. Continuing on this theme, in a few minutes I'm going to cram myself onto a cross-campus bus where everyone will be listening to their iPods, although things will be at least marginally more social during class (even though the professor might feel that he's lecturing to a group of unemotional robots).

It's amazingly easy to be isolated these days. If I want to watch a movie, I can either surf the internet for one or create a queue on Netflix rather than go out to a video store. If I need to run to the grocery store I can have the machine run up my bill, and an ATM will provide prompts for me to get money to interact with the aforementioned machine in the first place. Even when another human being is in a situation where they have to talk to me (i.e. if I go out to dinner), they usually aren't too happy and stick to the script (I should know, I've had my fair share of customer service jobs).

I probably feel more isolated than usual because my wife left this morning for North Carolina so I'll be on my own for a few days. Being that I don't have many friends (and I have not as yet stooped to the level of insanity where I'll try to hold conversations with the cats), it can get a bit lonely, and I usually have to fight off a general feeling of aimlessness. You would think the blogging would serve of a good substitute for communication, then, but it's more difficult for me to write when I can't verbalize what I'm thinking about to someone else.

Tags

More like this

Not only do you not exist, but neither to any of us. We're just electrons in the matrix... :)

I've never quite figured out what's lonelier - being alone and invisible in a crowd, or being alone because it's the middle of summer and there's no one else on campus.

It rang me up, walking me through the steps with a simulated voice, and I received more interaction from the machine than with any people at the store.
"Please scan your item, and place it...in the bag."
(BEEP!)"Please place the item...in the bag."
"Please take...your change."
"Please take...your receipt."
"Please take...your items."
"Please take...a hike."
"Please take...off, you hoser..."
Oddly enough, I don't actually mind machines talking to me, what bugs me is being required to talk to a machine (rather than just pushing buttons), like many cheap corporations set up their phone systems so as to avoid paying actual people to answer the phones...

Wait, having a conversation with your cat is an indication of insanity? Crap!

I associate the type of isolation you are talking about with living in the city (by which, I mean any urban area that has more than 30,000 people living in it). In my hometown, I knew all of my neighbors and, frankly, at least half of the people in town at least by sight. It would have been rude in the extreme not to acknowledge the fact that someone (anyone) was within 6 feet of you. Hell, it was considered strange if you didn't honk at the people you knew as you drove past them! Here, I think I've seen the people living in the apt. next door only once or twice. People do not say hello as they walk past. And if you say hello to people you don't know, they look at you suspiciously. And, people say Chicago is friendlier than most cities out east.

The fact that so much of your life can now be accomplished online or by interacting with some sort of machine rather than a person, only compounds the problem I suppose.

And, people say Chicago is friendlier than most cities out east.

The rules that govern the appropriate social interactions are different, that's all. The more people that live in a place, and for longer, the less often it becomes appropriate to greet or speak to people you don't know unless you have something particular to ask them.

In very crowded cities, attracting the attention of someone you don't know by trying to engage them in discourse is considered rude, because you're violating that person's abstract personal space by doing so.

By Caledonian (not verified) on 19 Feb 2008 #permalink

"It's amazingly easy to be isolated these days. If I want to watch a movie, I can either surf the internet for one or create a queue on Netflix rather than go out to a video store."

Interesting. In the not-too-distant past, going to the video store when you wanted to see a movie, rather than going to the movie theater, would be taken as a sign of increasing isolation. Shifting baselines, indeed. Jennifer Jacquet, call your office.

By Morris Hattrick (not verified) on 20 Feb 2008 #permalink

Ian; A deserted campus is indeed bizarre. As much as I might complain about some of the people I live in proximity to sometimes, my section of the city turns into a ghost town between May and August. There is a major benefit to this, though; LOTS OF PARKING!

SMC; Those automated voices are the worst, usually because all the choices they offer have nothing to do with what I want. Voice: "Did you say you wanted more choices?"
Me: "No, I said $*&%#_*^!!!"

Elisabeth; Perhaps it's not insane to talk to cats; when they start talking back you've got a problem. That's my philosophy when it comes to appliances, anyway.

Morris; I hadn't thought of it that way. To me a store is more social because there's usually someone there asking you if you need help, other people looking at the racks, you can ask someone for a suggestion, etc. At a theater I typically get a ticket, sit down with whatever company I'm with, and don't talk very much (unless the movie is horrible in which case I can't stop making fun of it). I've only had sociology 101, though, so I can't really make heads or tails of it.