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"[S]elf-defeating efforts at cost control" See also "deferred maintenance."
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This week, in the Journal of Unsurprising Results.
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"This phenomenon will allow researchers to achieve various quantum effects in graphene for fundamental research and for technological applications,"
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"[W]hen our own Matthew Bolin suggested that one of our first lists should be a rundown of our favorite age-inappropriate rock songs, the suggestions came fast and furious. "
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The simple solution to "no bottled water" is for graduate student labor to dig a well in the Main Office then place tiger striping and wheelchair ramps about its periphery, plus a blue-delineated handicapped waitng zone (with audible pingers for the sight other-abled). Add grant-funded activated carbon adsorption, reverse osmosis, and UV sterilzation, then bottle the product and note it falls under the the intent and letter of the original proscription.
Solution? Dig a second well; add a pulley, ratchet and release, rope, bucket, dipper; card swipe access, shaft encoder. Post instructions in seventeen languages; Braille (sight other-abled), and Ameslan (hearing other-abled). Add supervisory software plus a quarterly PowerPoint summary. Add Security personnel to search for bottles.
Dig several wells for statistical validation of Management parameterized models re performance bonuses. Declare a Magnet Well Site for other universities to emulate. Do studies. Establish a Department of Sociohydrological Science (including ISS FUBAR field work to attract diversity students). Grant degrees.