Meet the Empress

The dog sniffs gently at the baby in my lap. "So, what the heck is this?"

"This is SteelyKid. Be nice to her."

"But, I mean, what is it? It's not a bunny, is it?" She sniffs some more, just to be sure.

"What do you mean? Of course she's not a bunny. She doesn't look anything like a bunny."


"Well, she could be, like, a bunny in disguise. Like, a bunny Terminator, from the future. They're very wily, you know." She looks concerned.

"You're being ridiculous. She's not a bunny, she's a baby."

"A baby?"

"It's like a puppy, only human. A human puppy."

"Ohhhhh... So where's the rest of the litter?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you know, only one puppy is awfully small for a litter. Shouldn't there be more?"

"One of her is quite enough, thank you very much."

She sniffs again, and licks at SteelyKid's hand. "I guess. She is kind of cute, for a tiny little human."

"Thank you."

"So, what does she do?"

"Well, she's a baby. At this point, she pretty much just eats, sleeps, and occasionally cries for attention."

"I can do all those things. Why do you need a human puppy? She doesn't even have fur."

"Eventually, she'll grow into a regular-size human."

"Oh. That'll be good. I can always use more humans to rub my belly."

"I'm sure she'll do that, once she masters fine motor control."

"OK. In that case, I guess you can keep her."

"I'm so glad you approve..."

More like this

I'm sitting on the couch reading when Emmy trots in looking excited. "Hey, dude, I've got a great idea!" she says cheerily. "You know how your puppy is away for the week?" "Yeah." "Well, I think this is the perfect opportunity to class up your blog a little. I mean, you always post pictures of her…
I'm at the computer, typing, when SteelyKid starts fussing in the porta-crib in the living room. "Oh, why are you crying?" I say, as I cross the room. This is the fifth outbreak of fussiness today. "What am I going to do with you?" "We could eat it!" the dog says, from her pillow next to the crib…
A Colbert Report re-run about the financial crisis has just ended, so I turn the tv off, grab my jacket and the leash, and head out for a walk with the dog. She's oddly pensive as we head up the street. After a little while, she stops and asks, "What was that all about?" "All what?" "All that '…
The dog comes into the office looking disgusted. "Well, you've really done it now, dude." "What? What did I do?" "You had to go and put a bird feeder in the front window, didn't you?" "What about it?" We put a thistle-seed feeder in front of the bay window in the living room, and I added a small…

"Well, she's a baby. At this point, she pretty much just eats, sleeps, and occasionally cries for attention."

I can think of at least two items you forgot on that list.

Congrats. She's a cutie.

Could be the photo coloring, but - have you checked SteelyKid's bilirubin?

And both two and four leggers are adorable.

Glad to see that SteelyKid and Kate have made it home and that Emmy is accepting the baby.

Perhaps Emmy should be reminded that she will have an important role in raising SteelyKid -- she'll need to be a better watchdog and protector than ever.

Emmy has been very good, but then we would expect nothing less. She's sniffed SteelyKid gently several times, and was very sweet. She doesn't know what to make of the crying, though, particularly when we have the baby monitor on, and it seems to be coming from more than one room at the same time.

As for the color, SteelyKid is, indeed, a little jaundiced, but they were tracking it in the hospital, and she's been improving. We've been giving her a bit of extra formula to help hasten things along, which has allowed her to demonstrate that she inherited her father's appetite.

(She also got my inability to sit still for any length of time, which is an Orzel trait... She's a squirmy litle thing, even when she's sleeping.)

(I forgot to mention-- the post title refers to SteelyKid's prospective rank of "Empress of Eastern New York" (thank you, D. Owen-Cruise). Which is why she is allowing Emmy to kiss her hand in tribute in the picture...)

the post title refers to SteelyKid's prospective rank of "Empress of Eastern New York"

I had simply assumed that Emmy was the title empress!

Emmy has something more immediate than tummy rubbing to look forward to: babies love to throw food from their high chairs and doggies love to clean up after them. Frankly, I don't know how dog-less parents clean up after meals...

Your little princess might like to be in a sunny window to clear up the jaundice; strip he right down to her "nappy" and let her soak up some rays. Worked for the Georgia cousins!!!

She does get cuter by the day!!!

By Aunt Marie (not verified) on 12 Aug 2008 #permalink

@8 joanamm - True story from Daughter #2's preschool (she was about 16 months old at the time).

Teacher: Do you have a dog at home?

My wife: Yes. Why do you ask?

Teacher: I thought so. Kids who have dogs always drop food on the floor to let you know they're done eating.

You will discover this for yourself in a few months when SteelyKid starts to insist on feeding herself. Emmy has a new best friend in the world, she just doesn't know it yet.

Thanks for this post. I knew you could turn out another one of your genius efforts channeling Emmy! And the picture is priceless.

By CCPhysicist (not verified) on 12 Aug 2008 #permalink

CONGRATULATIONS! Thrilled for you all!

Of course, the dog doesn't realize that, before getting the desired tummy rubs, she's going to have to put up with a lot of being sat on and throttled . . . But then, maybe the dropped food will make up for it.

The region clearly needs a firm but tiny hand.

By David Owen-Cruise (not verified) on 14 Aug 2008 #permalink