What a difference a day makes. Yesterday at this time, I was frustrated by my lack of getting things done during my spring break. This afternoon, I'm feeling much better. It's not that I've suddenly gotten a bunch of stuff taken off the plate, it's just that I've resolved to be OK with how this spring break is shaking out.
Yesterday, I spent the afternoon in my office at school. When I opened the door of the building, I felt a physical revulsion and had to fight the urge to turn around and leave. It's not that my office is horrible - I just really didn't want to be there. So today I am home again, with the windows open, the sunshine streaming in, and Princess Pup curled up next to me. The taxes are e-filed, I've taken care of some more course house-keeping, and I'm about to write my next two labs.
ScienceGrandma called earlier and asked if I felt guilty for being home while Minnow was in daycare. I said no, but the truth is, I do feel a bit guilty. (Thanx Mom!) I know I couldn't be getting
as much any work done with her around, but especially when I am changing loads of laundry or starting the dishwasher, I feel selfish for having her in someone else's care. Those feelings were especially strong an hour ago when Princess Pup and I headed out on a walk through the neighborhood to collect samples for my students to work with in this week's lab. Realistically, I couldn't have easily gotten those samples with Minnow along, but it felt so strange to head out the door with the dog, the leash, and no stroller and toddler.
In response to Physioprof who said:
Wait a second. Spring Break is for drinking dozens of beers, staggering around half naked and drunk off your ass, and shouting "Woooooohooooo!!" every few minutes. What's all this "accomplishing something" shit?
Your comment made me smile, but I prefer to think of my working spring break as one of the few times a mommy-profs gets a chance to catch up with their childless colleagues. I hope they are all staggering around drunk and not accomplishing anything. It might level the playing field.
But enough of this talk. I've got work to do and only 1.5 hours 'til I pick Minnow up from daycare.
Justification for having Minnow in daycare while you are home alone: when you get Minnow home from daycare you can now concentrate 100% on her (and Fish). You can be 'in the moment' and not have, in the back of your mind, the 10 things you also should be doing (like laundry & dishes & taxes & lectures). You can just play with Minnow.
My littlest is in preschool and I have a 9/80 schedule (every-other-Friday is 'off'). 75% of the time I take him to preschool even though I have the day 'off', just so I can get some ME stuff done (go running, take a nap!, go to a home improvement store without worrying that someone is going to pull a flat of tile down ontop of themselves, take a hike with dh if he can get that to be his day off too, etc). And then I can spend true 'quality time' with my kiddos without trying to do many things at once.
Sometimes I still feel guilty. But I don't think we should -- really.