lab life

I hate scary stories.  They annoy me. Its the same reason I dont fall back on pop-culture 'viruses' to explain real virology-- I dont need to make up fake scary viruses. There are REAL scary viruses. Likewise, you dont need to make up scary stories about 'mad scientists'. There are very real humans who were scientists who have done terrible, horrifying things. The New Yorker has a story up about one such scientist, Amy Bishop. A scientist who killed three and wounded three more of her colleagues in 2010 for denying her tenure.  A Reporter at Large A Loaded Gun-- A mass shooter’s tragic past…
GOOD NEWS!  There are lots of different ways to do science. I like to tinker with/build stuff. After over two years of banging my head against a wall, another of my inventions, one I really wanted, is finally working!!!!! BAD NEWS!  Its only working at ~33% of capacity. I want 100%. GOOD NEWS!  I know how to fix it! BAD NEWS! Its going to take me a couple months to fix it :( GOOD NEWS! The idea has finally graduated from 'thats a neat concept...' to 'holy crap it actually works'. So its going to get patented, and I get a cut. YAY! BAD NEWS! I am never going to graduate. Ever. I am too busy to…
Integralmath, our Justicar, recently reposted my 'debate' with Steve Kern on his YouTube channel, and its gotten some fun comments. One was from someone making fun of Kern: I CAN'T INTO SCIENCE, I HAVE THE DUMB. I love it and literally loled*. While the commentor was making fun of Kern, I also had to laugh because even though I am a scientist, I TOTALLY feel like this sometimes. For instance, last Friday I was really busy. Experiment after experiment after experiment. Not one thing worked. Not one goddamn thing. New stuff I was trying didnt work. Old stuff I have done a million times…
Im more than usually swamped for time right now, and dont have time to get more deeply into the conversation, but I wanted to post this glimpse into what I am doing in the lab right now: I am infamous for several of those, plus I would have added "I am going to die here. I am going to die in this godforsaken place", plus I have never said "I should have gone to med school" because I am pretty sure I would have blown my brains out if I had to be an MD (no offense to those who do it, but I dont want to), but otherwise, this is a very accurate representation of shit grad students say. I also…
My favorite 'artistic rendition' of the scientific process, the only realistic depiction of what science is/how it is done on TV, is this montage from Big Bang Theory. This flow-chart is pretty damn accurate too: See more on Know Your Meme This is what you are getting into if you want to be a scientist-- its a tangled web of '?????', not a linear chain of '!!!!!'
Nef. The bane of my existence for some time now. I dont talk much about my research here, but its safe to say I consider myself an inventor who works in virology. People say "Damn. Its so hard to do ___. I wish there was an easier way..." and Im like "... I can do that." Gimme a plasmid, a primer (just need one), a paperclip, and a package of 'Fruit Stripe' gum, and I can make your retroviral dreams come true. I make stuff, and then pass it off to other people to like, do research with it. So I made myself a couple new toys. I then have to characterize my toys so other researchers know how…
This summer, Ive got three undergrads in the lab. While some might view this as babysitting, I love it. Love it!! ... which is probably why I have three this summer... but it is easy to love when youve had the fantastic students we have had in the lab in the past, and the three awesome young women that are playing in my lab this summer. The thing is, when you are dealing with n00bs, who have no clue what you are talking about, much less what you are doing, much less how to do what you want them to do (or why), you do spend a lot of time explaining whats going on. And when you have three…
Are you kidding me? Are you freaking kidding me?? Remember several months ago, the story about the PIs leaving their laptop in their car while they ate some Panera? And while they were NOMing someone broke into their car, stealing the laptop, and all their un-backed-up data? And we are all like "OMFGWTF?" "Who the hell leaves a laptop with that kind of information on it in their god damned car?? Who doesnt back up their data?? WAT??? ... Oh well, costly reminder for the rest of us." YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS. Okla. health department laptop stolen Nearly 133,000 people may have had personal…
I like going to research conferences. Well, I dont like 'going' to them-- I inevitably get migraines from traveling, and this conference, I got the bonus of extreme motion sickness on the drive from Vancouver to Whistler... But I like going to them! Bunch of smart folks talking about their research, brainstorming new ideas, its fun! Its also creepy. :-/ All these scientists I follow, whos research I write about here on ERV, are here. Its like, you go to a conference, and J. K. Rowling, and Professor Layton, and Bo Jackson, and Lieutenant Tasha Yar are speaking and hanging out. Its like, "…
Laboratory is silent. Me: *staring at lines and lines and lines of sequences on several monitors, surrounded by coffee cups, energy drink cans, and boxes of Sudafed* Labmate: *working on a really important experiment so she can finish a paper and fucking graduate* Labmate: ... SPRING BREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!!! Me: SPRING BREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK YEEEEEEEEEEEEAHRG!!! Labmate: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHRG!!! Laboratory is silent again.
Youll have to excuse me for a couple more days. Im participating in the time-honored tradition of "getting 90% of your data the week before you have to give three big presentations".
Another student, me, and Bossman discussing some cool data: Another student: Thats so crazy! How could HIV do that?? Me: LOL! Its sentient. Another student: LOL! Its a conscious being with self awareness! Me: LOL! It can recognize itself in a mirror! Another student: LOL! It has critical thinking capabilities! Me: LOL! It can beat Deep Blue at chess! Bossman: Stop it.
I recently learned that one of my advisors and mentors is not only a great scientist, but also a poet. This poem was written a few years ago for his biotech company's clean-up day poetry contest and won him a $5 gift certificate to Dunkin Donuts. I think it's actually quite good and deserves more attention than that so I'm reproducing it here, with permission from the author. Squeal by Jeff Way (with apologies to Allen Ginsberg): I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by cleanliness, crazed drooling wrapped in lab coats, dragging themselves through the late-night fluorescent…
Scientists aren't known for their fashion sense, but they do have their own unique charm, as you can see in this episode of In The Lab, with Bill Cunningham.
NOW. Do not read this post. Hook your computers up to your external hard-drives, back up your data, then come back to read this post. ... Okay, Im assuming the only people reading right now are people with Apple-->Leopard-->Time Machine, and already have things constantly backed up, or non-scientists who want to know what the hell Im talking about. Two scientists (a couple who work together) at my Uni had their laptop stolen from their car. Their work laptop. One they had used for years. ... None of their data was backed up. I shit you not. I feel so bad for that couple. But for…
Rule #9284748 of Science: Your side projects will work beautifully, garnering you lots of middle-author yet high-end publications, while your main project stagnates in a puddle of its own filth, laughing maniacally as you poke it with a stick trying to get it to move. YAY SCIENCE!
I had to go to Washington DC/Bethesda last week for a short conference. I spent almost the entire time pooping, thanks to some food poisoning I got from a very expensive, universally recommended restaurant. YAY!! Luckily I wasnt sick when Francis Collins was supposed to speak. But he had to cancel. Still pooping, btw. Awesome. Yeah. So while Im not leaving my bed and sucking down bottles of Powerade and Gatorade (its room temperature, I dont care, I feel like crap, get it, LOL!), I do have two links to pass along. 1-- Though Collins bailed, I did get to see a very nice presentation on the…
Every summer, Bad Horse sends me a summer undergrad or two to brainwash 'mentor during a summer research experience'. They start out as these cherub faced kids, and three months later, they are a step closer to getting their PhDs in Horribleness. Some labs dont have good luck with their students. Unmotivated, annoyed kids that would have rather spent their summers doing nothing, but applied to the program because it would 'look good' on med school applications or something. Some students dont have good luck with their labs. Spend the summer doing a protocol they dont understand (no one…
My labmates and I love Lady Gaga. Like, love love love. Enough to make a parody fan video of Bad Romance. It is my pleasure to present to you "Lab Romance", a production of Hydrocalypse Industries. Enjoy! Lyrics after the jump! ø⸨°º¤ø⸸âø¤º°¨¸âø¤º°¨ ¨°º¤øâ¸LADYâø¤º°¨ âø¤º°¨ GAGA `°º¤ø¨°º¤ø⸸âø¤º°¨¸âø¤º°¨ ¨°º¤ø Music by Lady Gaga, lyrics by Tami Lieberman and Jake Wintermute, performed by Jake Wintermute, editing by me and Patrick Boyle, dancing by the Silver Lab. Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh! Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh! Caught in a lab romance…
Last Fridays xkcd: A scene from 'Big Bang Theory'. This is why there will never be a movie/reality TV show made about Real Science(TM). I can make my experiments sound dramatic: Setting up steel-cage death-matches between various variants of HIV-1. Epic gladiator battles where only the fittest survives to fight another day. Everything glows-- red, green. There are lazers involved. I also create mutant swarms of HIV-1 and ask them to do my bidding. The ones that do the job the best survive (well, their babies are allowed to live). The ones that fail are killed. That sounds AWESOME,…