Flash! Choir is Preached to; All Members Agree with Sermon!

After years of hoping and praying, my fondest wish has finally come true. I can hardly contain myself:

New research on napping provides the perfect excuse for office slackers, finding that a little midday snooze seems to reduce risks for fatal heart problems, especially among men.

This is like telling circus clowns to ride teensy unicycles, or Donald Trump to try out a combover, or delusional teenagers to try out for American Idol, or kettles to remind the pot what color it happens to be, or Lenin to open a couple of summer camps for dissidents, or peanut butter to run smack dab into a quivering glob of jelly, or bears to go into the woods and do whatever it is they do in the woods (I still don't know), or Dean Martin to go down to the nearest tavern and bring back a corned beef sandwich, or meadows to hurry it up with the bright golden haze already, or Edgar Allen Poe to wipe that silly grin off his face, or a tarantula to try to get a rise out of the leg it happens to be crawling up, or General Custer to add a little spice to his personal appearance, or

[Editor's note: Unfortunately we had to drag him away from the keyboard. We do apologize. What he was trying to say, we believe, was the following: "You don't have to tell me twice, Professor!" followed by the sound of rather stentorian snoring.]