We here at Of Two Minds would like to announce a brand new training program that will help you improve your memory through the method of Long Term Depression. Because we use this fancy brain term you can be assured that the training is working.
Step One: Open list of words to study.
Step Two: Have friend stab you in only one eye (you need the other to study the list!)
Step Three: Better memory for everything!
In fact, recent research supports this wonderful new method of brain training! Check it out:
Scientists have long known that the nervous system receptor known as TRPV1 can affect sensations of pain in the body. Now a group of Brown University scientists has found that these receptors - a darling of drug developers - also may play a role in learning and memory in the brain.
In surprising new research, published in the journal Neuron, Julie Kauer and her team show that activation of TPRV1 receptors can trigger long-term depression, a phenomenon that creates lasting changes in the connections between neurons. These changes in the brain - and the related process of neural reorganization known as long-term potentiation - are believed to be the cellular basis for memory making.
Actually while we're at it we might as well offer complete university degrees.
In association with Credentialix and our friend Brian, Of Two Minds is offering online degrees!
IT'S YOUR FUTURE OF TOMORROW, TODAY!
In today's fast-paced society, it's hard to know what jobs you are or are not certified to perform. That's why I've come to tell you about a fantastic new online service, Credentialix (from the creators of Netflicks)!
Our service is simple: By paying our monthly fee, you will be entitled to any degree of your choice. Feel free to keep it as long as you like, with NO PUBLICATIONS NECESSARY! If you feel like a change of career is in order, simply return your degree in our prepaid diploma holder, and your next degree should arrive in the mail in just a few days!
Credentialix is an accredited online university, and has been compared to Harvard and MIT. There are several flexible pricing plans to choose from:
$5.99/mo : A Masters Degree in any Liberal Arts or Social Sciences field
$6.99/mo : A PhD in any Liberal Arts or Social Sciences field
$15.99/mo : An Associates Degree in Computer Science*
*Please note, our pricing plan has been scaled based on the average salary for individuals holding each degree.
I dunno. $6.99/mo for a PhD seems a little cheap. Surely there's gotta be some hidden fees and charges your not telling us about. How on earth are you gonna make a profit at that price?
Seems a bit sus to me.
Copyright Infringement!!! I'm gonna suuuuuuuue!
At Credentialix, we keep our overhead down, and pass the savings on to you! Join the millions who have improved their lives with our degrees!
Credentialix brand diplomas are produced using patented hand-printing technology, and are sealed in a Credentialast (tm) container before they are shipped. All degrees are guaranteed!
Thank you for your interest,
"$6.99/mo for a PhD seems ... cheap." - S. Moore