Happy Birthday Star Wars: A collection of literary humour (some science-y)

I just realized that I've written a few science-y piece with an inherent Star Wars hook to it. As well, it seems to be something that comes up at McSweeney's and other similar humour sites. Anyway, here is a collection of the ones I'm aware of. Enjoy...


(From the Onion)



"Human Gene Commonly Associated with Cancer or Droid from Star Wars?" (The World's Fair)

"Quotes from Either President of the United States George W. Bush or Senator/Chancellor/Emperor Palpatine from the Star Wars Movies" (mcsweeneys.net)

"Clinton Takes Leave Of Office To Stand In Line For Star Wars: Episode I" (onion.com)

"On the Implausibility of the Death Star's Trash Compactor" (mcsweeneys.net)

More like this

... it's kind of funny. Properties I Learned In Math Class On Brownian Motion (BM), with Explanations. BY SCOTT LOWENSTEIN - - - - 1. BMs come in two forms: "standard" and "multidimensional" 2. Law of large numbers: expected distance traveled during a BM = 0 3. Scaling: a scaled up BM is still a…
Wherein the toughest part was trying to edit down 56 minutes of great stuff into a 20 minute clip (as required by his office). Some great anecdotes here, so do pass on if you enjoy this (p.s. He gave another great talk at TED2010, so am also looking forward to that one). (From terry.ubc.ca)
A few months back I had a chance to be involved with Dawkins' visit to Vancouver, and here we had a chance to record his speech. Not a bad way to spend an hour on this particular day. Actually, Richard's presentation is very good (quite humourous at times) and definitely worth checking out.…

I have always wondered... Princess Leia and Chewy?

Sexually Tilted Lines In "Star Wars: A New Hope"

[Reprinted from UCSD's The Koala 10/14/93 issue]

1. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."
2. "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"
3. "Look at the size of that thing!"
4. "Sorry about the mess..."
5. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
6. "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
7. "You've got something jammed in here real good."
8. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed!"
9. "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
10. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!"

Sexually Tilted Lines In "Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back"
[Reprinted from UCSD's The Koala 12/1/93 issue]

1. "And I thought they smelled bad...on the outside!"
2. "Possible he came in through the south entrance."
3. "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?"
4. "Hurry up, golden-rod..."
5. "That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."
6. "But now we must eat. Come, good food, come..."
7. "Control, control! You must learn control!"
8. "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
9. "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
10. "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me!"

Sexually Tilted Lines From "Star Wars: Return of the Jedi"

1. "And hurry up, will ya? I haven't got all day!"
2. "Hey! Point that thing someplace else!"
3. "It'll work. It'll work."
4. "Rise, my friend."
5. "Hey, don't worry; Chewie and I got into a lot of places more heavily guarded than this."
6. "I need more men."
7. "I think you'll fit in nicely."
8. "Move closer! Get along side that one!"
9. "Back door, huh? Good idea."
10. "She's gonna blow!"

I've got BALLS of STEEL