Egotism, n. Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.
- Ambrose Bierce
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News first: The New York Times has reached dizzying new heights with today's magnificent crossword puzzle. Sadly, finding a New York Times here in Harrisonburg is rather like finding two identical snowflakes. Hard to do. So I haven't actually seen the puzzle yet. But I know it is excellent…
# Diary, n. A daily record of that part of one's life, which he can relate to himself without blushing.
- Ambrose Bierce
Future, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
- Ambrose Bierce
Dullard, n. A member of the reigning dynasty in letters and life. The Dullards came in with Adam, and being both numerous and sturdy, have overrun the habitable world. The secret of their power is their insensibility to blows; tickle them with a bludgeon and they laugh with a platitude. The…
Attribution of that quote to Bierce is erroneous, since he published The Devil's Dictionary in 1906 and the first crossword is dated 1913. Bierce probably died in Mexico in 1914 (no one knows for sure). Furthermore, the NY Times was one of the last newspapers to adopt the crossword, never publishing one until 1942, according to Wikipedia.
Also, I think the definition better fits "optimism."