Update

Here is hoping you get out of the hospital in December. I hope you are feeling better even if they are not letting you out yet. ~A

Bummer! I hope you you're free by early December. Take care and keep up the blogging. I've really enjoyed the photos and word of the day.

Why won't they give you a fixed date they can stand by?

That's too bad! I can't imagine being confined for such a long period of time.

i have to ask the same thing. why won't they discharge?

That's a great shame. Looking on the bright side, at least we can be confident that your doctors will wait until you're ready to be unleashed on the world again.

Bob

You mean something to each of us, and we hope you get well soon.
...
(yes I do have a spider in my pocket ...)

Heck, i'm glad you're able to post at all. Fight the good fight, girl. Post when you can. I keep coming back.

Sorry for the bad news. Hang in there. I suggest you break out when they aren't looking! Get well.

the reasons they won't discharge;

1. i am too depressed, they say, to be discharged

2. they are afraid i will harm myself

3. they want me to have a social support system in place on the outside so my local friends/family can look after me. of course, i have no family whatsoever, nor do i have any local friends.

my doctors told me this morning that they want to transfer me to a long-term psych facility, where i would stay 6-12 months or longer -- perhaps for the rest of my life.

needless to say, i am terribly upset about this, so i put in my "72-hour letter" requesting release from this facility within 72 hours. this letter means that i and my doctors will be appearing in court within the next 72 hours. they have to argue in front of a judge why i should continue to be held against my will.

i think i am also going to find a lawyer because i cannot afford to be locked up any longer -- i will lose my rent-stabilized apartment, my parrots and my few remaining possessions in that case. fer crissakes, by the time they are finished with me, i'll be homeless!

Just to let you know that I am thinking of you and hope you get better soon.

Are you sure they haven't got you locked up in Guantanamo?! Sheesh! I hope you are able to get discharged soon. And yes, as everyone has said above, hang in there and fight the good fight. Take care.

Oh dear... and here I thought it was just a matter of recovering from surgery or infection or somesuch! I've suffered from chronic depression for over 20 years, but I've managed to avoid "checking in", largely because I do have a supportive family and a few good friends.

I'd say that keeping up your blog, and being concerned about your pets, are pretty good arguments that you're not completely adrift! Have they been taking appropriate measures with regard to trying various antidepressants, or trying new ones if the old ones aren't working? If not, you could probably argue that they aren't treating you properly in any case! Depending on how many different meds you've been through, ECT may also be a possibility. (It generally is a last resort, for good reason, but when things really have gotten that bad, it can be a lifesaver.)

Since you're clearly able to get online at least occasionally, you might also check out the online forums at www.walkers.org. (A.k.a. "Walkers in Darkness") Unfortunately, the original mailing lists are apparently closed to new members due to lack of funds, (which is a damn shame), but they still have Web and IRC forums. I haven't been by in a long time, but they used to collect various tips regarding medication and other treatments, as well.

OK, I just read your later comment to the prior post. And you have even more of my sympathies, as rapid cycling BP is a b*tch and a half!
Definitely check out Walkers, bipolars have been active members there since the beginning, including the list administrator. Tell Mongo I sent you. ;-)

Longtime lurker posting here. I've always loved your blog and just want to give you suport. I'm someone who loves science, who loves the way you post about birds here, and who loves the way your share your love of the "natural world" with us. I hope there is a way you can get discharged and get outpatient treatment and get back to your beloved parrots.

I am not a regular reader of your weblog, but I was touched to hear of your plight; I came across this weblog as I was researching blogs for a Mountain State University class I am taking, which required that I track and post to a blog of my choice. I was certainly not expecting to find what I did, though I must say that I became interested in your blog for its regular content, and not the fact that you are in a hospital.

I do hope that you soon are released, even if the doctors want you to be an out-patient; I became an epileptic at the age of eight, and for over 4 years none of the medications I was on really helped that much. Although I was young at the time (12-14), the doctors decided to test a barrage of medications; they kept me in the University of Maryland for almost six months as different seizure meds were tested. Being a kid, I thought it was great for about a month, but I soon became tired of not being in school, unable to play, and all cooped up in one room. I know it is nothing like what you are going through now, but it is as close as I can get to what it must be like for you.

If you do not mind, I would like to chart your blog for my college class-I promise to make my report very generic, however, since I must cite the blog according to APA or MLA format (which includes the URL), I wanted to make sure that you would not mind. Would this request have been more appropriate in an email? Maybe.

I wish you the very best, and hope that you win your release in court. I will be following this blog carefully, no matter the content.

On another matter, I have some pictures and other natural items that were taken in the Shenandoah National Forest (Skyline Drive) in Virginia. I will try to see if I have a really nice one, and send it your way, unfortunately, I will not be able to identify any of them.

Best of luck!!!

Have you told your doctors that you keep a regularly updated blog that is completely devoid of bad poetry? That has got to count for something, I would think :)

It's ironic how the treatment seems to be making you more depressed right now, but in the long run, a few more weeks or so could possibly have a major effect on the entire rest of your life if they can find something that works for you.

Losing that apartment would suck though, but there are more important things.

Well what's needed here is a sponsor to support you, you need time to get better without worry about mundane daily curses of bills, apartment and the fate of pet companions.
So all you concerned loving readers, can someone take this on?
That's what it takes plain and simple
All the good thought don't give this women a family or the support she will need. NYC is a damn cold place to take on alone.

It's ironic how the treatment seems to be making you more depressed right now, but in the long run, a few more weeks or so could possibly have a major effect on the entire rest of your life if they can find something that works for you.

Agreed. GrrlScientist, I continue to wish you the best of luck! Try to find out if you can get some sort of public assistance to let you hang onto that apartment! I know that when I get a "rent's late" form letter, it includes a bit about checking with my public- assistance agency in case I need emergency coverage for the rent. Thankfully, I haven't needed to invoke that yet, but it suggests you may have some recourse available. I also hope you'll forgive me adding a bit of explanation for those less familiar with these illnesses:

I assume GrrlScientist knows this already, but for the onlookers: Part of the difficulty with her treatment is probably that they have to be very careful with the antidepressants. From my general knowledge, I'd guess that they're trying to get her settled with "mood stabilizers" (i.e., Lithium) first, because ADs without proper stabilization could throw her into a manic phase -- potentially even more dangerous than the depression. Some of you may have heard the proverb, "I wept because I had no shoes, then I met a man who had no feet"? Well, as a long-time "classic" depressive, bipolars are my "man with no feet". This from someone who's lost two jobs and many years to my own depression....

PS to GS: I just saw the image in lieu of your profile -- very pretty!

It would probably be a good idea to lawyer up. I'd recommend contacting the local bar association for the name of a lawyer who is thoroughly familiar with the "mental health" system in your area, preferably one specializing in that field.

My experience is that when the shrinks know that they're not going to get a routine "I have letters after my name so everything I say is Gospel" session in front of a bored judge, but that their claims will be challenged by someone who knows what they're doing, more often than not they back off.

The system is, fundamentally, a bully, used to having its way with powerless people. When it realizes that it's dealing with someone who actually has the ability to defend herself, my, how its attitude changes.

"The system is, fundamentally, a bully, used to having its way with powerless people. When it realizes that it's dealing with someone who actually has the ability to defend herself, my, how its attitude changes."

Or to put it more charitably, they're used to taking charge of (and for) people who can't manage taking care of themselves. If you can show that you do in fact have enough marbles collected to fend for yourself, then they'll likely back off and let you do so.

Hedwig, if you need help with getting a lawyer, I can email the bloggers I know in the city and ask them if they know anyone who's good or can start an online fundraiser (it worked for Biting Beaver's abortion, so it can work for you). I can't guarantee getting any kind of answer from anyone, but I can try.

Suicide is taken real seriously in the medical fraternity. My first time I got fourteen days, and that only because I was cooperative (and I was booted to a warehouse because of an emergency case). I do suspect they're being extra cautious thanks to your penchant for being cranky, persnickity, and contrary.

I know, it's a royal pain being cooped up for days on end. But, you have to adapt. Find the quiet place within and learn to chill. Learn how to deal with the things that trouble you, instead of having a crisis at every little set back.

The really bad news is, don't expect parole before 2007. Christmas is a bitch for the depressed. Especially for anyone not stabilized on their meds. I rather doubt your doctors will let you go at a time when things are hectic and you are still stressed.

I'll be cruel, they don't keep somebody in the hospital for 90+ days unless they were real damned concerned about them. I suspect you had a few displays of temper, and made a few moves at self-harm. You need to honestly accept the fact you have a disease, and it could kill you. Accept the fact and learn how to constructively deal with it.

Take up meditation, and don't let the small shit get to you.
Take up a hobby. Art, music, wood working. But don't let it become an obsession. Develop a range of interests, find friends on the outside. Arrange visits by them, and visits by you to them. Build up those outside visits until you're spending days with your buddies. That's a big part of what they're looking for, that you are making friends you can call upon in case of trouble. From what you've said before on this matter, you haven't. It's time to start.

Last of all, you need to secure your finances. Apply for Supplemental Security Income (SSI) and follow through on it. Establish and maintain a budget, even in hospital. Shrinks feel better about patients who can stick to a plan.

Why am I being cruel? Because you are going up for parole, and that audition is a bitch. I want you to be ready for the outside world, now is the time to get serious about it.

I think Judy Roth's comment above is right on the mark as part of the solution:
--Well what's needed here is a sponsor to support you, you need time to get better without worry about mundane daily curses of bills, apartment and the fate of pet companions.
So all you concerned loving readers, can someone take this on?
That's what it takes plain and simple
All the good thought don't give this women a family or the support she will need. NYC is a damn cold place to take on alone.--

(If I were near NYC, I'd try to be part of that...but being in MN just doesn't cut it.)

But that's just PART of the solution... I agree with those who've talked about how rough the holidays are, too... And I can certainly understand being totally pissed off by how long this is taking...

BUT--you said in a previous post you were getting excellent care. AND, you must be, because I'd guess you are smart enough to run rings around 99 percent of docs--and you're not running rings around these guys--and, hell, you would have no respect for them if you could outwit them...

So it's my hope that you'll give it a little more time...and work on some strategies for finding post-inpatient support... you're a passionate, intelligent, and even inspiring voice, and I'm hoping for your full recovery.
Blessings to you, Hedwig.