Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys

tags: , , , , , ,

In this video, ONN reports on a newly published study indicating that repeatedly stabbing monkeys with sharpened objects may have an adverse effect on their health and longevity [1:08]

More like this

tags: reading graphs, Onion News Network, ONN, humor, satire, fucking hilarious, streaming video In this video, we see that experts are still trying to determine the effect of the concentric circles on the long squiggly green objects located in the blue area.
tags: Onion News Network, human kidneys, organ transplant donations, medical news, humor, satire, streaming video In this video, ONN reports that an anonymous hero donates 200 human kidneys to a hospital. Hospital officials hope to locate the good Samaritan that dropped off a sack of human organs…
tags: Onion News Report, ONN, roommates, humor, satire, funny, cultural observation, streaming video In this video, we learn that 80% of all roommates got so drunk last night .. what was your roommate doing wasted last night? [1:18]
tags: racehorses, thoroughbreds, Breeder's Cup races, sports, Onion News Network, ONN, humor, satire, fucking hilarious, streaming video Now how did I miss this video? It was created last year in time for the Breeder's Cup races, held in late October, which is sort of the World Series of American…

Clearly a ploy by BigPharma to market anti-stabbing drugs to people who don't need them.

this is animal abuse. where's PETA when you need them??

this is satire. where is intelligence when you need it??

"This is animal abuse!"

By PhatChance (not verified) on 10 Jul 2009 #permalink

This is a joke right? wtf?

This is a joke right? wtf?

its the onion news... of course its real

I like the ticker at the bottom.

Giraffe mauling tops the list of least likely way to die.

Phoenix, AZ the most likely city to die in during a layover.

I didn't hear how much the monkeys bled. They need to do another study to see how much blood each money looses per stab wound. Will a monkey bleed out after two stab wounds? three?

By news ticker (not verified) on 11 Jul 2009 #permalink

Seriously? You can hurt animals just by stabbing them? That's some groundbreaking news there.

this has to be satire.

Just an FYI. The Onion is a website made ONLY for sarcasm.