Onion News Network
grrlscientist | April 30, 2010tags: Jockey Liam Hollins The Favorite To Brutally Whip Horse to Kentucky Derby Win, horse racing, horses, whipping, humor, funny, satire, fucking hilarious, Onion News Network, ONN, streaming video
Fresh from his Blue Grass Stakes win, jockey Liam Hollins moves on to today's Kentucky Derby where he hopes to be the first to mercilessly beat the winning horse across the finish line.
grrlscientist | April 9, 2010tags: Stouffer's, frozen microwave meals, single-serving meals, suicide prevention tips, humor, funny, satire, fucking hilarious, Onion News Network, ONN, streaming video
Stouffer's, the company that manufactures frozen microwavable meals, now includes suicide prevention tips on all single-serving dinners whether you enjoy eating your veal parmigiana or beef stroganoff alone.
grrlscientist | April 5, 2010tags: gorilla, death, mortality, science, humor, funny, satire, fucking hilarious, Onion News Network, ONN, streaming video
Tulane University researchers have successfully taught a captive gorilla that he will die one day. The gorilla, named Quigley, is now able to experience the crippling fear of impending death previously only accessible to humans.
grrlscientist | March 5, 2010tags: How Will the End of Print Journalism Affect Old Loons Who Hoard Newspapers?, newspapers, print journalism, newspaper hoarding, ONN, Onion News Network, comedy, humor, satire, fucking hilarious, streaming video
The decline of the newspaper?? Ransom notes, papier-mâché and slacker gift wrapping will never be the same! Worse, what will crazy old loons pack their houses to the rafters with?
grrlscientist | February 11, 2010tags: NASA Scientists Plan To Approach Girl By 2018, scientists, geeks, nerds, pencilheads, ONN, Onion News Network, comedy, humor, satire, fucking hilarious, streaming video
President Obama recently increased funding to all science organizations, including NASA. According to this news report, it appears that NASA has already budgeted their share of the money to support their plan to approach a girl at the laundromat by 2018. This amusing video is a commentary on male scientists, geeks, nerds and other types of pencilheads. It actually looks to be rather close to the truth.
grrlscientist | December 10, 2009tags: Green Man, Blue Cat, literature, ONN, Onion News Network, comedy, humor, satire, fucking hilarious, streaming video
Good news for those of you who wish to purchase a new book for your friends and colleagues for Christmas: the book, Green Man, Blue Cat has finally been published to rave reviews! The intended audience is children, but apparently working adults are the biggest fans. I can hardly wait for my review copy!
Adults Go Wild Over Latest In Children's Picture Book Series
How many thousands of copies do you think will be sent to George Bush as a Christmas present? I'm taking your…
grrlscientist | December 1, 2009tags: politics, GOP, Rethuglicans, Presidential Candidate 2012, Ronald Reagan, Zombie Reagan, ONN, Onion News Network, comedy, humor, fucking hilarious, streaming video
It's been difficult, but I am so proud of the Rethuglicans for finally finding someone to be their 2012 presidential candidate who accurately reflects their values and mental capabilities so well!
Zombie Reagan Raised From Grave To Lead GOP
grrlscientist | November 3, 2009tags: Glenn Beck, comedy, humor, satire, funny, ONN, Onion News Network, streaming video
As the grieving mother says, it's a tragedy to watch Glenn Beck outlive your child.
Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck
grrlscientist | October 9, 2009tags: Obama family, miserable Americans, comedy, humor, satire, funny, ONN, Onion News Network, streaming video
This daring news interview with the nations' top thinkers comes right out and says what we've all mumbled under our breath to ourselves in the privacy of the unemployment line: the Obamas are too damned happy! They're so happy that it's downright unAmerican!
grrlscientist | October 6, 2009tags: comedy, humor, satire, funny, ONN, Onion News Network, streaming video
Here's the latest development in the anti-smoking campaign aimed at teens: television ads that claim smokers are gay (and of course, no one wants to be gay, right?)
grrlscientist | September 23, 2009tags: little boy, burglar, offbeat, humor, funny, satire, streaming video
This video is an interview with a little boy who uses his father's gun to shoot a burglar, and then, when the wounded burglar is screaming in pain, he proceeds to shoot off other appendages, too. It's all in a night's work.
Little Boy Heroically Shoots, Mutilates Burglar
grrlscientist | September 22, 2009tags: bat, congress, offbeat, humor, funny, satire, streaming video
In this breaking news video, we see that Congress is deadlocked on the best way to get a bat out of their committee chamber.
grrlscientist | September 22, 2009tags: Nouveau Poor, discrimination, offbeat, humor, funny, satire, streaming video
As Americans rush to join the Nouveau Poor, panelists debate the claim that the newly poor are incapable of integrating with long established poor...
I am not sure if I should laugh or be offended ..
grrlscientist | September 16, 2009tags: reading graphs, Onion News Network, ONN, humor, satire, fucking hilarious, streaming video
In this video, we see that experts are still trying to determine the effect of the concentric circles on the long squiggly green objects located in the blue area.
grrlscientist | September 1, 2009tags: facebook, twitter, internet, technology, cyber stalking, Onion News Network, ONN, humor, satire, fucking hilarious, streaming video
There are times when I am grateful for having been shunned by my family since the age of fifteen: Christmas being the most notable among them. But the Onion News Network reminded me of yet another reason to be happy I don't have to deal with them: Facebook and Twitter! In this streaming video, 'E-Mom' Gloria Bianco shows Jim and Tracy how geographical distance is no longer a roadblock to shamelessly interfering with the lives of your children.
grrlscientist | September 1, 2009tags: racehorses, thoroughbreds, Breeder's Cup races, sports, Onion News Network, ONN, humor, satire, fucking hilarious, streaming video
Now how did I miss this video? It was created last year in time for the Breeder's Cup races, held in late October, which is sort of the World Series of American horse racing (and is positioning itself to be the same for international horse racing). In this video, we learn that in 2008, the controversial champion racehorse, Ship's Captain, came out as being gay. The controversy swirled, but the horse's trainer says people should focus on the horse's abilities…
grrlscientist | August 28, 2009tags: Onion News Network, ONN, detainee torture, humor, funny, satire, fucking hilarious, streaming video
In The Know panelists discuss the closing of the controversial detainee labyrinth and debate whether the Minotaur's sternum-stomping-by-hooves interrogation technique yielded valuable intelligence.
grrlscientist | August 19, 2009tags: Obama, Bipolar Disorder, humor, funny, satire, fucking hilarious, Onion News Network, ONN, streaming video
White House officials admit Obama's extreme confidence and total euphoria over "hope" and "change" were symptoms of a prolonged manic episode. He has since recovered and now is depressed -- just like the rest of the country. [2:30]
Not to split hairs, but a typical manic episode doesn't last three years.
grrlscientist | August 13, 2009tags: Onion News Network, ONN, privacy, humor, funny, satire, fucking hilarious, streaming video
This streaming news report reveals that web users who wish to completely protect their privacy can choose to move to a desolate mountain village started by Google. While living there, they are guaranteed an environment free from Google products and natural light from the sun [2:18]
grrlscientist | August 1, 2009tags: humor, funny, plastic surgery, ONN, Onion News Network, streaming video
In this hilarious video, Rep. Lynn Merriweather says HR7652 will protect the millions of Americans who just want to appear as young as they feel on the inside, that's all [2:01]