Leave it to The Onion:
MIAMI--South Florida residents were overcome with fear, confusion, and an unnerving sense of dread Tuesday when they learned that an unidentified hurricane is heading for their area--its origin uncertain, its intentions unclear, and perhaps most frightening, its name unknown....
...Lacking any reliable information on the character traits of the popularly dubbed "Hurricane That Shall Not Be Named," thousands have fled the area, hoping to escape its destructive winds, driving rain, and chilling impersonality.
"If this hurricane were a Wilma or a Frank, or even a Rebekah, I'd at least know what to expect--a storm system with a low pressure center, sustained winds above 119 miles per hour, high gusts, and severe inland flooding," said Stewart Tomlinson, a Miami-area police officer who plans to drive his family north to Georgia on Wednesday. "But I don't even know if this hurricane is a boy or a girl. And frankly, that scares me."
"I don't want this...thing...coming anywhere near me or my family," Tomlinson added....
..."You can tell a lot about a hurricane by its name--that's why they have names," Surfside resident Brenda Harrison said. "Mitch, strong and unpredictable. Katrina, devious and vengeful. Bob, good guy, just passing through. But this hurricane could be anything. It could be a gentle mist, or it could be the worst natural disaster in the history of mankind. It could strike anytime, and it could be anywhere...even right behind you. Also, what if it doesn't even have an eye?"
Now of course it's beyond obvious that hurricane names have nothing to do with hurricane characteristics and behaviors. But still, who the hell came up with a name like Ivan, and what did they expect the 2004 storm to be like once they named it that?
Don't the people who come up with these names know any Russian history? Are they trying to kill us? What's next, Hurricane Lucifer?
Shift to Seriousness: My latest "Storm Pundit" column, in which I whine some more about my possibly ruined b-day party, is now up.
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Well, depends on the perspective...there were four Ivans in my 1st grade class. Just a nice, common name in that part of the world.
I will only note that Adolph was once in the East Pacific list of names, but it was removed. Along with Israel, which occurred in the same year.
When I was a young pup, the name Hazel was ominous, linked as it was to a destructive storm.
Mark,
The same year or perhaps the next one after Hurricane Hazel, the Milwaukee Braves had a mid-year rookie phenom named Bob Hazle, who hit almost .400 but didn't have enough at-bats to contend for the batting title.
He earned the nickname "Hurricane," but faded like a tropical storm hitting the Appalachians and was never heard from very much after that.
I was probably a slightly older pup than you at the time, and that makes me an old dog now.
Now it's off to Google or Wikipedia to see how well my memory serves me.