Just how desperate to find a story--and a controversy--do you have to be to believe this is real:
Anchors at the Fox News national morning news show "Fox and Friends" reported Tuesday that the city of Los Angeles had ordered 10,000 jetpacks for its police and fire departments. The price tag: a whopping $100,000 per unit.
Yes, jet packs. Thousands of them. Maybe that should have set off warning bells. Well, actually it did, but this being Fox News, well... (italics mine):
For those doing the math at home, the cash-strapped city of Los Angeles, which is regularly sending its police detectives home because it can't pay all their overtime, allegedly shelled out a billion dollars on space-age transportation that it has never used in an emergency situation, much less tested.
"We certainly haven't bought any jetpacks," said LAPD Chief Charlie Beck. "We haven't bought [squad] cars for two years."
As Gawker.com was the first to note, the "Fox and Friends" report appeared to contain material taken right out of a story from the Weekly World News tabloid, which bills itself as "The World's Only Reliable New Source."
Apparently taking that slogan -- and ruse -- to heart, "Fox and Friends" reported that the jetpacks can reach speeds of 63 miles an hour and reach an altitude of 8,000 feet. And then came the questions.
Co-host Gretchen Carlson said that while she was "all for buying stuff up and helping the capitalism and all that" she wondered whether the costs would be prohibitive in a bad economy.
Brian Kilmeade wondered about possible safety issues.
"You gotta make up some rules," Kilmeade said. "Because you're going to have jetpacks flying into choppers!"
Sweet baby Intelligent Designer, these people are fucking morons. And I wonder how worked up their audience became over JETPACKS FLYING INTO CHOPPERS!!!!!!
Stupid IS as stupid DOES. Fox defines the word stupid.
It's like a reactionary version of the onion. Except its not satire, just idiotic. Somehow.
You would've thought bat boy would've tipped them off...
But...it reeked of truthiness!! You can't publish something that isn't true, right??
Once again I hang my head in shame over what we have become.
JETPACKS FLYING INTO CHOPPERS!!!!!!
OK, maybe that explains pygmies + dwarves...
The writers for that show must do it deliberately, like each week they have to come up with something more stupid-sounding than the week before. Like a challenge to see just how stupid they can get before even the audience for the show rejects it. Or maybe it is like the Weekly World News itself, and people go to it just to see how ridiculous it can be. (Personally, I think the WWN itself is a faded shadow of its own former greatness).
I think you'll find that the story was confirmed by the Mythbusters!
Don't knock the Weekly World News. What other outlet has covered these two stories:
1) Sheep in New Zealand are committing "sheepicide" by jumping off cliffs. The sheep are apparently depressed over the lingering effects of a September earthquake and global cooling.
2) Miley Cyrus offended the chinese people by making "slant eyes" in a picture. She has since apologized and joined the Communist Party.
Wait - Fox is interrupting me - some breaking news about Miley Cyrus and sheep: be right back....
Co-host Gretchen Carlson said that while she was "all for buying stuff up and helping the capitalism and all that"
Wait. Governments buying stuff to help the "capitalism and all that"? Is Carlson suggesting... dare I say it... government spending as stimulus?
But... but... stimulus is all bad, and government spending never helps the economy, and tax cuts! tax cuts! *head explodes*
Hey, what the hell, as long as the jetpacks are properly fair and balanced.
So how did Fox Noise ever get their hands on a copy of Weekly World News?
My guess is that Sarah left it behind when Glenn got tired of helping her with the big words and wandered off.