Less Dorky Poll: Karaoke Supernova

So, here's a different sort of scenario for an audience-participation post:

Imagine that you are in a weirdly well-stocked karaoke bar, and you have to sing a song. There's no way out of it-- if you don't you'll lose your job, rabid squid will eat your family, deranged America-hating terrorists will kill a puppy, whatever. The bar has absolutely any song you might want, no matter how obscure, and you only have to do one.

What song would you sing?

This post really begins with a conversation at Readercon, where it was noted that the World SF Convention will be held in Yokohama in 2007. Kate and I are hoping to go (whether we do or not is somewhat contingent on my tenure case, and other factors, but it's about the best shot I have at getting her to go to Japan...), and I was talking with some people about whether they planned to go or not, and the subject of karaoke came up. As any fule kno, karaoke is popular in Japan, and is really sort of inevitable.

Back in 1998 when I was there, I wandered into a restaurant near my apartment one Tuessday night, looking for a cold beer and a meal I could order by pointing at food in a display case. As I was one of probably three Westerners within walking distance of this place, my arrival was an Event, and I was given lots of strange food (that was my first encounter with basashi), given many, many drinks, and whisked off to a karaoke bar, wherre I was pushed on stage and made to sing "Yesterday" by the Beatles.

(The next morning, I stumbled into work with a wicked hangover, and ran into an English post-doc, who took one look at me, and said "You got dragged to karaoke last night, eh?" "Um, yeah." "They made you sing 'Yesterday,' didn't they?" "How did you know that?" "Oh, they do that to all the Westerners. I have no idea why.")

There were, of course, two major problems with that whole scenario. First, the Japanese take their karaoke very seriously, while in the US, it's more often played for laughs. The other people in the bar who got up and sang were really, really good, and while I have my share of experience at singing while extremely drunk (I played rugby in college), it's not the same thing at all.

Second, and more important, "Yesterday," well, it kind of sucks. It's not the worst song in the Beatles catalog, but it's nowhere near my favorite. It's certainly not what I would choose to sing in public, especially as I was sorely tempted to sing the off-color version ("Leprosy... Now there's pieces falling off of me..."). Though, really, it was one of the better options I was presented with in any of the trips I wound up making to various karaoke places (I never successfully refused anything when I was in Japan...).

I thought of this the other day when I was out running errands, and singing along with the iPod: if I found myself in that sort of situation, and had to sing a song in public (as opposed to singing along with the radio), what would it be. Assuming, of course, that the rugby catalogue was out of the question ("This song is not a rebel song. This song is 'I Don't Want to Join the Army'...").

It's actually a pretty tough question. I mean, I'm a champion sing-along-with-the-radio guy, but most of the really fun songs to sing along with wouldn't really work in a karaoke context, just because I can't hit the required notes. I do a mean version of "Beast of Burden" at about 2 am on the Jersey Turnpike, but I don't think anybody else would really appreciate it. Ditto "So Lonely" by the Police or "Tracks of My Tears" by Smokey Robinson.

You also need to have the right sort of song. I could do a fairly credible Bob Mould, but "The Act We Act" or "Black Sheets of Rain" are kind of a buzz-kill. And a lot of songs with the right basic energy level are just too damn complicated-- you don't want anything with a lot of words, or complicated rhythms to keep track of. That means that even though just about anyone could sing better than Bob Dylan, "Like a Rolling Stone" is probably out of the question. And while I've sometimes joked that Tom Waits's "I Don't Wanna Grow Up" would be the perfect karaoke song for me, it'd be damnably hard to do right.

You also want something relatively short, because there's nothing worse than looking at a tv monitor with words scrolling across it that you've never heard before. (Let me note that both "Hey Jude" and "Strangers in the Night" have a lot more words than you think they do. And let's leave it at that.) So "Hotel California" is right out.

And, of course, if you have any delusions of hipster credibility, you don't want to pick something totally cliche. Sure, "Peace, Love, and Understanding" is almost perfect, in terms of pitch, length, and number of words, but there's no way to do a karaoke version of it without everyone in the bar saying "Oh, right. Bill Murray in Lost in Translation." And even if you were singing to save a puppy from terrorists, you wouldn't want that reaction. And don't even think of doing Elvis, OK?

Really, it's a Hard Problem.

So what would I pick? Well, the specific song I was singing along to when I first started thinking about this was "Big Brown Eyes" by the Old 97's. That's probably got too many words (though really, it'd be hard to pass up "I got issues... yeah,/ Like I miss you... yeah."), but either "Nightclub" or "W. I. F. E." would probably work. The latter probably has more comedy value.

Motown is generally a good source of eminently singable songs of the right basic type, but they're either ensemble pieces (you can't do "My Girl" without backup singers), or in registers that I can't really handle (the aforementioned "Tracks of My Tears"). "Ain't to Proud to Beg" is almost within my reach, but it's probably on the wrong side of the cliche line.

Traditional or neo-traditional music is another good possibility-- at a rugby tournament my freshman year, I got us a round of drinks by singing "Wild Rover" in an Irish bar in DC. A good song in that general vein has probably been done in so many different versions that any key you'd care to sing it in would work.

With that in mind, if I had to pick one song identified with a specific person, I'll go with "When I Get to the Border" by Richard Thompson. It's fairly short, it's catchy as hell, and there aren't too many vocal flourishes. And it's basically pitched in an octave I can approximately reach.

I reserve the right to change my mind, though.

More like this

I, actually, can sing and I soent a couple of year going to the local karaoke bar every Tuesday. I have sung most of the songs you noted in this post. I have also sung country, and Fats Domino, and Elvis... For competitions, I usually pick something showcases my abilities, e.g., "Only You", or "Take the ribbon from your hair". Even DJs love it when I belt out "I will survive", quite perfectly, in my bass-baritone.

My father was a professional choir singer, I sang with him, went to music school for six years, I play piano and guitar and was the center of attention at every high school party...

I've had the experience of there being way more words than I expected to the song...for some reason the karaoke bar in Plum, PA had "Bei Mir Bist Du Schoen" which I remembered from Warner Bros. cartoons and decided to sing...big mistake.

Also, you don't want to pick a song that starts with two minutes of music before any vocals appear. I had that experience too with Squirrel Nut Zippers' "Suits Are Picking Up The Bill", although I nailed the lyrics to that one. (Yes that was a well-stocked karaoke bar...that was the only Squirrel Nut Zippers song they had, though.)

My dream karaoke experience would be any number of songs from R.E.M.'s middle period that I used to play on the guitar all the time. "Begin the Begin", "Finest Worksong", "Life and How To Live It".

By Cryptic Ned (not verified) on 26 Jul 2006 #permalink

Last time I was in a position to inflict my singing upon others I was going to do Oasis' "Don't Look Back In Anger," but I decided to drink more instead of singing.

Now I'd sing "Bluebirds" or "Hard to be a Girl" by Adam Green for comedic value. For a more serious bent I'd sing "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie, or "Acoustic Guitar" or "Papa was a Rodeo" from the Magnetic Fields.

My trademark song is a somewhat unusual one, but it almost always knocks 'em dead. "Chantilly Lace" by The Big Bopper. I also do a pretty decent "People Are Strange."

At a bar in Boston (i was there for a conference) on 6/6/06 I sang "Hell" by the Squirrel Nut Zippers. In any other situation I would probably go for "A Million Ways" by OK Go.
(nice Ben Folds reference, btw).

Well, well, o hell, Dolly,
What the hell, Dolly
It's just like you to be back where you belong.
You look like hell, Dolly,
We can tell, Dolly,
You're still smoking crack, your eyes are black,
you've --- hit the gong....

-Rob

And, with all credit due to Mike Dederian, who came up with this gem: sing "Let it Be" about chemsitry. (In place of "Speaking Words of Widsom, Let it Be," think "Pressure Times the Volume, NRT.")

My point is : if I had to do Kareoke, I'd almost certainly clown around to great extreme.

I've never done Kareoke, though. But I have sung in musicals, where I did not rewrite the words during performances....

-Rob

I'd probably end up going with something either by Tom Lehrer ("Poisoning pigeons in the park" or "the massochism tango") or possibly Tom Paxton ("Monday morning in paradise" or "Oh, No, don't slay that potato") Both are vaguely folksy, so not huge ranges, and both in my vague area. Also, both are funny, so the music isn't that challenging that you can't hear the words... (and it makes the words memorable)

By Brian Postow (not verified) on 26 Jul 2006 #permalink

"Dance The Night Away," by the Mavericks. The chorus is almost out of my reach, but that's true for just about anything for me, and anyway I'm assuming the puppy doesn't die if I crack a note or three. For bonus points, I'd get someone to sing the harmony. It's pretty easy two-part stuff.

In a real-world karaoke list, I'd probably look for Steve Miller Band stuff, maybe Rock 'N Me or Jet Airliner (less cheesy than some alternatives). He doesn't stretch the range too much and the songs are short and memorable.

And at this point, I have to make a Scalzi invocation and call for some Journey...

First, if I ever had to sing in public it would be as a weapon (think ears bleeding). I have done chorus but without others to cover my horrible range, I'm just painful to listen to.

That being said, I would probably go with some 80s pop tune (I don't think "Oh Cherie" has too many words, maybe "My Sharona" or "Jenny 867-5309" complete with hand moves) or something by the Eagles like "Take it Easy".

It's the worst torture I can think of for anyone to have to listen to me sing. Did you see "My Best Friend's Wedding"[1]? Remember Cameron Diaz doing karoake? She sounded better than me.

[1] Despite what some may say, it was not the worst movie I've ever seen.

Dude, you are so wrong about Elvis. Karaoke is singing in front of an audience and you need to play to your audience. Personally, I think they're fantastic, but if you really want to hear the crickets chirp go ahead and sing your favorite Squirrel Nut Zippers song to a bar full of Japanese. I'm not saying Elvis and Frank Sinatra are the only way to go, but they're easy to sing and your audience will recognize them. And in music familiar = well-liked.

After considering the audience, the other thing to consider is that you have two ways to go with Karaoke: a good, thoughtful/or fun song choice or great vocal skills. You say you don't have good vocal skills, so go with a good, simple song that's not too unusual for your audience. Remember: not all good Karaoke songs are good songs.

If I wanted to do something thoughtful and tender, I'd do "Blackbird" by Paul McCartney. If I wanted to do something fun and campy, I'd try "I think I love you" (by the Partridge Family) but don't sell songs like "Viva Las Vegas" short. It moves, it's easy to sing, and your audience will know it.

PS Remember that in Japan, you're not going to have a well stocked library of songs that have been popular in Japan, so remember my guidelines and don't get your heart set on anything in particular!

By Garrick Rorapaugh (not verified) on 26 Jul 2006 #permalink

If I absolutely had to sing in public, I'd have to go with an instrumental song, and perhaps play the air guitar...even I cringe when I hear myself sing. Maybe Metallica's Call of Ktulu.

You could sing "Ue o muite arukÅ" (aka "Sukiyaki"). Widely recognized, nice easy crooner song. Beats "My Way" and you're gonna end up singing songs from that era anyway...

You can't go wrong with a number of Old 97's tunes. In addition to Big Brown Eyes, I'd take the stage for Four Leaf Clover, Jagged, or a couple of others.

My ideal song would be The Extra Glenns' Going to Marrakesh - short, easy to sing, and just the right amount of WTFage in the lyrics. ("Our love is like Jesus, but worse." Can't beat that.)

Moving from the theoretical to the experimental karaoke, my one trip to Japan resulted in me singing "Ring of Fire" and "Sweet Caroline". The latter is especially good for inviting audience participation and getting the focus off oneself.

Dude, you are so wrong about Elvis. Karaoke is singing in front of an audience and you need to play to your audience. Personally, I think they're fantastic, but if you really want to hear the crickets chirp go ahead and sing your favorite Squirrel Nut Zippers song to a bar full of Japanese. I'm not saying Elvis and Frank Sinatra are the only way to go, but they're easy to sing and your audience will recognize them. And in music familiar = well-liked.

Absolutely.
I'm talking about the spherical, frictionless cow of karaoke, here-- making the completely unrealistic simplifying assumption that the bar is stocked with every song you like, and we'll throw in the assumption that everybody else there likes the same songs you do.

PS Remember that in Japan, you're not going to have a well stocked library of songs that have been popular in Japan, so remember my guidelines and don't get your heart set on anything in particular!

Oh, believe me, I know all about that. The comment about "Hey Jude" and "Strangers in the Night" having more words than you think is based on painful experience. My parents wound up doing "Puff the Magic Dragon" when they visited me in Japan.

Really, "Yesterday" would've been preferable.

You could sing "Ue o muite arukÅ" (aka "Sukiyaki"). Widely recognized, nice easy crooner song. Beats "My Way" and you're gonna end up singing songs from that era anyway...

The English guy who told me that they always make Westerners sing "Yesterday" mentioned that after a year or so, he made a point of learning to do one song in Japanese, just because it never failed to surprise people.

(He was a good resource-- he also gave me a wallet card with the katakana characters on it, which was invaluable...)

My knowledge of actual Japanese music is pretty much limited to a handful of anime themes. I don't have the chops to do "The Real Folk Blues" (from Cowboy Bebop), and while the Hellsing title song ("The World Without Logos") is in my vocal range, it's also word salad (in Engrish), and I'm not a tenth cool enough to associate with that tune. I'm barely cool enough to have it on my iPod.

You're thinking about this all wrong, I think. If you worry about what people will think about your singing (and we all worry about it, of course) the last thing you want to pick is some song people have not heard to death already. If they don't know the song, they have to really listen to you to learn it. And really listening to you means hearing every imperfection.

If, on the other hand, you sing "Yesterday", "Love Me Tender" or whatever old saw you find, people will love you for picking a well-known, likeable tune, and while it's your mouth doing the words, what people hear in their minds is Paul McCartney's or Elvis Presley's voice doing the same words.

A good tip is to look through the cheesiest, most overdone songs there are (I do a decent "House of the Rising Sun" by now), pick a few that are comfortably in your voice range and mainly keep to them - like with a presentation practice makes perfect, so staying with a small core repertoire will also make you come off better. For lots of bonus points in Japan, learn the words to a well-loved or popular Enka - people will absolutely love you for doing it, and the tune will be fresh to you since you haven't (presumably) grown up with that music.

If I were drunk it would probably be something by Janis Joplin. Sober, Roy Orbison's Pretty Woman. I love singing along with the Golden Oldies radio and my Golden Oldies iPod, so I know a lot of (old) songs. Hmm. Tom Petty and I sing in about the same range so maybe Refugee.

MKK

Alanis Morisette's "Uninvited" is my most reliable choice (unless I've a cold), but I can't imagine it'd help you. I have a problem with being able to match notes successfully but not at all delivery, which means I can deliver renditions of a few U2, RHCP, and Sleater-Kinney songs, far too sweetly. meh.

Like a few people upthread, I'd go with something known unless you can really peg something relatively unknown.

I feel like my choices are relatively limited - I'd only want things that I'd sung or had tried to sing along to before, and while I'm probably familiar with more "standards" than I'm conscious of, I've never tried to sing them.

The Tom Lehrer suggestion is a good one - Poisoning Pigeons in the Park, Bright College Days, or, at the right time of year, Christmas Carol.

What I've actually gotten away with at American karaoke bars are TMBG's "Birdhouse in your soul" and R.E.M.'s "Fall On Me", with bonus points in the latter for knowing the secondary vocals that don't end up on the screen. Neither would be a bad choice in the future.

Do songs from musicals tend to be in karaoke collections? "Sugar Daddy" or "Angry Inch" from _Hedwig and the Angry Inch_ would be a lot of fun.

By Nathan Williams (not verified) on 27 Jul 2006 #permalink

Pretty much anything by The Doors works for me, since I can't carry the higher end of the scale in a bucket, but I match Jim Morrison note for note on the low to middle end, and I think he had the same problem, since I never hear high notes coming from anything he ever recorded.

I have one of the worst singing voices you've ever heard. You may be saying to yourself, "But that one girl at the Karaoke bar in '86, she had a bad voice." I'm worse. Trust me. So this presents problems when forced to get on stage and sing.

So if it has to happen, I go for "Boy Named Sue" by Johnny Cash. Its almost spoken word, its funny, and its something you do an act to, so your not just standing on stage, rocking back and forth in time with the music. Baring that, when I'm feeling adventorous/drunk, I'll pull out some "Song For The Dumped" by Ben Folds Five. That one gets the crowd excited.

Number one karaoke song: Bon Jovi - Livin' on a Prayer
Number two song: It's a tie between Journey's Separate Ways and Journey's Don't Stop Believing.

They're fairly well known, so people are happy that they can sing along to them, and they can be sung poorly without losing much. Plus they can be performed with ironic camp (or something like that), and they sound best when sung drunk. Anything else anyone else says is wrong.

Baby got Back - Sir Mix-a-lot