This was sent to me by a friend so I rewrote it a little and posted it here because I thought it might be useful to my blog sibling, Afarensis, in particular;
Anyone who has been job-hunting will probably agree that the interpretations for these bullet items (written in bold) that you typically see in job ads are (sadly) accurate;
Competitive Salary: We remain competitive by paying our employees less than our competitors.
Join our Fast-Paced Company: We have no time to train you and you'll be stuck introducing yourself to your co-workers.
Seeking Enthusiastic, Fun, Hard-Working People: .. who still live with their parents and thus won't mind our internship-level salaries.
Casual Work Atmosphere: We don't pay enough so that you can dress up, although a couple of the really daring guys (who live with their mothers so they can afford luxuries) do wear earrings.
Join our Dynamic Team: We all are forced to listen to stupid motivational tapes.
Must be Deadline Oriented: You'll be six months behind schedule on your very first day.
Some Overtime Required: Some overtime each night and some overtime each weekend.
Duties will Vary: Anyone in the office can, and usually will, boss you around.
Must Have an Eye for Detail: Because we have no quality control.
College Degree Preferred: Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like philosophy or English, or you're one of those insufferable know-it-alls who has a PhD in any of the sciences.
No Phone Calls Please: We've already filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
Seeking Cadidates with a Wide Variety of Experiences: You'll need it to replace those three people who just left.
Problem-Solving Skills a Must: Because you're walking into a company that's in perpetual chaos.
Requires Team Leadership Skills: You'll have the responsibilities of a manager but without the pay or respect.
Good Communication Skills: Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they really want, and then do it.
Must be Flexible: We're really good at starting projects, but not at finishing them.
Must be a Self-Starter: We have no idea what we need or want from you; we're hoping you will be able to tell us.
- Log in to post comments
More like this
How about this one:
"Women, minorities, and the disabled are encouraged to apply": You might get to be the lucky tokener amongst a sea of white men so that our immediate boss doesn't get a hard time anymore from the higher-ups about hiring policies.
Hilarious!
AnonforThis- I should mention I was referring to GrrlScientist's post when I said hilarious. One situation I've seen is that some of the co-workers think the new person was hired as a token (which may in some cases have been true) but the co-workers make the assumption that the person is not competent when they are. This puts quite a burden on the incoming person because they get unusual scrutiny.
More like,
Must be a self starter: You'll make commission...from cold calls...If you're lucky.
Hmmm, that all sounds like the company I just got layed off from...
Torris, I am a visible minority, so I was actually just being bitter. And it's happened to me a number of times.. where even though I was fully qualified, I really just got hired to fill a quota and never got taken seriously. So I think you were taking me the wrong way.
I've also noticed "join a young and vibrant department" which if you investigate seems to be mostly nearing or past retirement, but they sure want *you* to be young!