Humor stuff, and in the best of worlds, science humor stuff
bcohen | December 18, 2006This is a link to a Short Imagined Monologue over at McSweeneys. Full title:
"Professor Richard Dawkins Speaks at Fair Hills Kindergarten Regarding Santa Claus, December 2, 2006."
By Mike Jones
Here's the teaser (so PZ doesn't have to go all the way to the link):
From an early point in your infancy, you people have been done a great injustice. Santa Claus, Kris Kringle, Father Christmas--the names may differ from country to country, but the idea always remains a constant. No doubt you've drawn pictures of him, watched films depicting him, sung songs about him. A benevolent jolly fellow whose…
worldsfair | December 15, 2006
Image from "Scared of Santa Gallery"
One of the surreal joys of editing a thing such as the Science Creative Quarterly, is all the good stuff that comes our way. Even though the stats for the SCQ are actually pretty decent (average of 6000 to 8000 visitors per day), it still a bit of a shock to realize that folks are actually reading, and even submitting these amazing works.
Anyway, Christmas time especially brings this point home because we get the occasional festive science piece our way, and I just wanted to highlight the two that were just published.
T'WAS THE NIGHT 'FORE THE…
worldsfair | December 7, 2006Today the SCQ has a great humour piece, entitled "Bill Hick, the Science Prick, Houses on Fools" which of course is a direct play on words with the truly great science communicator, Bill Nye, the Science Guy. When I recieved the piece, it was initially submitted using Bill's real name, but having colleagues that actually know him as a nice guy overall, I thought that maybe using his actual name was too close for comfort.
Which is why Eric and I kind of played around with other possibilities, and ultimately moved from ideas such as Bill Bass, the Science Ass, or Bill Rude, the Science Dude.…
worldsfair | December 5, 2006I see that Sandra, RPM, Joan and Coturnix have weighed in on the overuse of "ome" in today's system's favoured biology, so I thought it was a good time to represent a piece that was previously published at the SCQ.
This one is called: "Like 'Omic God" and includes the great:
d'oh-ome: every mistake you ever made. (Don't tell me you didn't see this one coming.)
Of course, I'd like to add a few of my own here. These would be:
couldn'tgivearat'sass-ome: this is the sum of all things that are basically trivial and unnecessary. Data may vary from person to person.
didn'…
worldsfair | November 15, 2006Here is some silliness to get back in the swing of things. Composed whilst waiting for Ben (Cohen) at the Vancouver Airport, recently rejected by McSweeney's, and likely to make an appearance at one of my sites in the not so distant future.
Still, I was (and still sort of am) seriously considering shopping a better version/take of this piece to a place that "pays per word", mainly because it would be deliciously ironic to get compensated for words like "Uuuuhhhggg", "Gggrr", and "Rrrrn."
HAN SOLO AND CHEWBACCA WEIGH IN ON THEIR NEW HYBRID MILLENIUM FALCON.
HS: Well, so far, it seems like…
worldsfair | October 16, 2006Published, no less, in Nature. Except that this is, of course, a shameless plug for the Science Creative Quarterly, which today has a convincing fake/joke paper on the subject.
And how can one be certain that it's fake? Easy - just look at the author of the paper.
worldsfair | October 13, 2006What is it about the Wonder Twins that makes them so ripe for picking on?
The Super Friends epsiode: "Wonder vs. Wonder"
When it becomes clear that a mission is botched because Wonder Woman is clearly visible in her invisible jet, unhappy murmurs begin to surface within the Super Friends' organization. In particular, Zan, of the Wonder Twins, is merciless in his teasing of Wonder Woman. It also doesn't help that Wonder Woman, herself, is generally not impressed with his otherwise useless superpower ("Form of a bucket of water? What in Amazon is that about?") In any event, Batman decides to…
bcohen | October 12, 2006A new list over at McSweeney's, reporting some good data -- "Creationist Astronomers Polled Regarding Pluto's Status". Interesting results, I think you'll find. Very telling.
worldsfair | October 7, 2006Two pieces worth pointing out, in this, our week of Nobel frenzy. One which provides a sentiment we've probably all experience (well, maybe not), and the other... some constructive advice on how to win one.
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SHAFTED AGAIN BY NOBEL (By Christopher Monks)
I didn't win the Nobel Prize in Physics again this year. What's a guy got to do to win that thing? I was made to win that prize, but for like the umpteenth time in a row I've been given the shaft. Annoying! Who cares if I'm not a physixcist or however you spell it? I've been doing lots of cool physics-type stuff forever and deserve some…
worldsfair | October 5, 2006Just had to pass this on to readers. Today at the SCQ, there's a lovely piece examining the probability statistics of the card game of War. Using computational models, the author was able to simulate 10 million random games, with the results presented. Graphs and everything! This is so something that Wilco should write a song about...
link
worldsfair | September 26, 2006The diagnosis we would all shudder to get. The below image is actually a joke (reprinted from an issue of Esquire in July of 2000)
But even in reality, Craig Venter is a piece of work. I mean it's perfect that he can be quoted as saying "People who are motivated by pure greed only get their money when they produce something that's beneficial to society."
And so, I invite you to check out an interview of Dr. Venter from The Believer which has an introduction that begins:
What would it be like to know the details of your own personal programming--every A, C, T, and G as it swirls along the…
bcohen | September 24, 2006Or, Has anyone heard of The Onion? Of course you haven't. Dave and I are the only ones who know about it. (What an oddly reminiscent introductory trope?) Dave has a mandate that we meet a quota of Onion references. To do my part, and since I've been lagging behind, I offer this reprint from a few years ago. This one's about "the biggest breakthrough in biotechnology since the breakthrough it fixes."
A Texas A&M chemist works on the breakthrough.
The article is pasted, beneath the fold...
May 9, 2001 | Issue 37â¢17
COLLEGE STATION, TX-Agricultural scientists around the world are…
worldsfair | September 22, 2006(From McSweeney's)
WEB SPITE
By Jim Stallard
Sadie,
Sorry about my little lie in the subject line. No, this isn't an e-mail from your mom, but it's the only way I could get you to open this. You ignore my phone messages, my poems get sent back to me, and the re-enactment I tried to perform at your office parking lot almost got me killed. (Thanks for almost running me over, by the way.)
Because you've cut off all communication, you still haven't come to grasp how thoroughly you've wrecked my life. So I've tried to get the point across by making it interactive.
If you go to www.sadiesux.net/…
worldsfair | September 21, 2006This figure was published a while back in Science, so it must be real.
(Jane Gitschier, University of California, San Francisco. Science, 1990)
worldsfair | August 31, 2006In response to the "Hooray for Global Warming" article as queried by this week's Ask a ScienceBlogger, I offer this public message from a representative of the glacier community:
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RANT FROM A GLACIER - CONCERNED, BITTER, AND SOMEWHERE NEAR THE NORTH POLE
Dear humans everywhere:
People. I'm melting. I'm actually melting.
Are you not paying attention to what's going on here? Are you not following the news? Are you just out and out disregarding the collected and heated but (get this) generally agreed upon advise from a whole bunch of experts? Is it because you don't trust them? Because…
worldsfair | August 22, 2006Monday Night FootTESTIS
Hootie and the FUGU RUBRIPES
Winnie the FECES
MASTICATEbacca the Wookie
Tchaikovsky's BERTHOLLETIA EXCELSA-cracker Suite
I can't believe it's not TWO BUTTOCKS AND AN ANUSer
Joani PRODUCES OXYTOCIN FOR Chachi
Bye bye Miss American CIRCUMFERENCE DIVIDED BY THE DIAMETER
Chairman FELINE VOCALIZATION's Little Red Book
Hey FORNICATE FORNICATE, the Cat and the Fiddle.
The Facts of STEM CELL / ZYGOTE / BLASTOCYST / EMBRYO / FETUS / NEWBORN
worldsfair | August 16, 2006(This is an oldish attempt at the "Speaks to a Geneticist" series, but was never sure if it was on or not)
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BONO: Why am I so weary?
GENETICIST: From a genetic point of view, I would say that your weariness is a reflection of your metabolism. That is, your ability to pull energy from the food you eat, and the ability to utilize that energy effectively. Both of which should not be a problem for a person of your age and affluent stature. My guess is that you are just overdoing things. Here, Mr Bono, would turning up the lights help wake you up?
BONO: You know, I am probably overdoing…
bcohen | August 15, 2006If Duffless gave us Skinner's perception of the pursuit of science -- "Every good scientist is half B. F. Skinner and half P. T. Barnum"-- then Bart's Comet gives us his perception of amateur astronomy. Plus, it's got a few nice jabs at the knowledge, science, and faith nexus. After the comet burns up on entry, and the town escapes destruction, Moe nails it:
Let's go burn down the observatory so this will never happen again.
To summarize the summary: Bart's punishment for yet more misdeeds is to help Skinner's amateur astronomy observations at 4:30 am. Skinner leaves the telescope for a…
worldsfair | August 15, 2006A list that first appeared here. I'm interested in hearing out other contributions.
Banjo On My Knee
Bleeding Heart
Foot In Mouth
Dick Head
Shit for Brains
Get this Monkey off my Back
He's a Leg Man
Space Between The Ears
Baby Snacks
White Meat Only
Biggest Asshole
bcohen | August 14, 2006Of course you haven't. What a silly question. I'm the only one who knows about this unearthed gem.
Now what of Science and The Simpsons? We've already blogged here at The World's Fair about classroom Simpsons and science utility, but of course that can only be a start. Let's do this slow and let the audience drive it, after I put in the first: Duffless.
Duffless is 4th Season, which is to say, at the pinnacle of the run, where every episode is super upper echelon. It's a split-plot one, where the one half is Homer-centric, with Homer quitting drinking for a month; the other theme is…