Humor stuff, and in the best of worlds, science humor stuff

Timing is everything. That (I'm pretty sure) was the case of my first piece getting into Maisonneuve. And again, it is something that comes up with consistent frequency in my quest to publish. For instance, my gnome piece (shouldn't everyone have a gnome piece?), is another example of this notion, except that in this case, timing worked against me. Here, McSweeney's gave it the pass due to their having another "sentient gnome piece" published already. Which makes perfect sense because if there are too many, well, then a literary endeavour is bound to develop a reputation, a tradition even,…
This has to be one of my favourites, written pretty much the day after I listened to Stephen Lewis talk. Anyway, it also ties in with the start of the International AIDS Conference this Sunday. I'm hoping our Canadian government has some choice announcements to make at the beginning, but I guess we'll just see. AMERICAN: Is it an animal, mineral or vegetable? ETHIOPIAN: Yes sir, I believe it is all three, sir. AMERICAN: Hmm... Can I get it online? ETHIOPIAN: I'm sorry, sir. I do not understand your meaning, sir. On where, sir? AMERICAN: Online... You know, like at eBay or Amazon? ETHIOPIAN…
Natural disasters figure prominently for both. Neither necessarily follows international conventions. In their own ways - doing their part to increase carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere. When they speak, it's kind of surreal. I gather, both on the same page with this stem cell business. Essentially kind of hard to explain rationally.
How great is this book? It's that great, that's how much. But beyond superficial (and meaningless) qualifiers like "great," this book does a remarkable job of fascinating me, interesting students, and standing alone as entertaining fiction. I use it in my class on Science, Technology, and Progress, and since I just re-ordered it for the new semester it reminded to make a point of asking how to characterize a book that you can read a dozen times and still enjoy. I was looking up some quotes and old reviews, and realized that The Vonnegut Web is an extraordinary site, collecting, collating…
Example 1: It was difficult to get motivated knowing that both Season 9 of Friends and Season 4 of Felicity came out on DVD at the same time. This particular excuse would be completely ineffective. The review panel would need to be told that Season 9 of Friends is where Joey and Rachel almost get together and that Season 4 of Felicity is where Felicity finally graduates and decides on whether she loves Noel or Ben. Example 2: I've been mentally drained - thinking about the Avian Flu Virus has given me a serious case of the heebie-jeebies. Scientific grant reviewers are generally very…
So, a while back I did my yearly pilgrimage to my wife's grade one class, where I did my usual liquid nitrogen thing (freeze stuff, smash it, make ice cream, scare young kids with overly large safety goggles, etc), and as usual I was open to all manner of questions in my role as a scientist type (my wife actually refers to me as Dave Ng the Science King in the class, a moniker that hasn't caught on in my graduate level classes). And I'm always amazed at how much these 6 year olds pick up from what they hear and see in their day to day.  Anyway, one of the kids asked this really cool question…
I quite enjoyed this Shouts and Murmurs piece by Paul Rudnick. Wish I thought of it first. RYAN: And I think it looks great. Now, what about global warming? RANDY: Yo, dawg, when you say "global warming" do you mean, like, sitting by the fire with your lady and getting down to a spicy slow jam by my man Barry White? PAULA: Oh, oh, or do you mean, like, actually warming the globe? Like toasting one? Wouldn't it melt? SIMON: He means, you idiots, that because of human greed we're in very real danger of ending life as we know it. Will the madness never end? I wonder what the conversation would…
How about a sampling of the lists over at McSweeney's, the perfect Friday activity. Here are a bunch that are either science-related, engineering-related, invention-related, or plain unrelated. I'd be interested in any kind of ranking people have, the bests of the links, that is. We'll do these in reverse chronological order... Failed NASA Sapce Programs, by Jonathan Shipley Hoover Dam Fast-Fact Pamphlet If Hoover Dam Were a Scale Model Made of Legos, by Orr Goehring Dr. Phil's Inventions, by Scott Smith Unpublished Sequels to Famous Science-Fiction Novels, by Steve Rushmore Terrifying…
- - - Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids! I disagree. Figure skaters are mean sons-of-a-bitches. Whoa! We're halfway there! Whoa! Livin' on a prayer! And I would've gotten away with it, if it wasn't for those pesky kids! You got me. Here's your scratch-n-sniff sticker. You know. I do feel like chicken tonight. But this one goes to eleven.
Looks like an appropriate time to put this one up on the blog. I have to say that this was the one of the easiest pieces I've ever written. It's also the only one that got published at McSweeney's with no additional editing whatsoever. - - - IT'S A LUCKY THING FOR STEM-CELL RESEARCH THAT THE FOLLOWING PASSAGES AREN'T IN THE BIBLE. The petri plate is the work of Satan. How does God know what a petri plate is in this ancient time before the advent of scientific achievement? It is because he's God, which is really handy for that sort of thing. Go forth my children and use the word "embryo"…
This use to be circulating the web back in 2001. Never did figure out if it was real (it was presented at http://objective.jesussave.us/creationsciencefair.html), but good for a laugh or looks of disgust anyway. - - - 2001 Prize Winners:Elementary School Level: 1st Place: "My Uncle Is A Man Named Steve (Not A Monkey)"Cassidy Turnbull (grade 5) presented her uncle, Steve. She also showed photographs of monkeys and invited fairgoers to note the differences between her uncle and the monkeys. She tried to feed her uncle bananas, but he declined to eat them. Cassidy has conclusively shown that…
With nothing to do with science, I feel compelled nonetheless to post this link to a fine contribution over at McSweeney's today. A great piece, on politics and whatnot. Sort of. Or, rather, entirely. The intro: Ladies and gentlemen. Friends, relatives, dear ones, and patriots. Especially patriots. And especially that fidgety little jerk right there in front. Yeah, you, Pigtails. Eyes up here ... All right, then. Like I was saying ... We must never forget whatever happened here today. If whatever we're talking about was some sort of horrible genocide, then, by God, it is our duty as…
This particular piece has had a long and storied past, originating as far back as my term as an Immunology lecturer during my Ph.D. days (we're talking back in 1997 or so). Essentially, one of things I did (and still do) with my lectures is incorporate graphics that are both visually interesting and academically offbeat, but always with a clear science perogative. I usually like to think of them as "transition" points, whereby it gives the student a chance to break from the monotony of a lecture (which no matter how fascinating the topic, and how captivating you are, will tend to glaze even…
A few months back, I forgot to pay for parking and was dinged with a $50 fine. It was completely by accident so very annoying overall. Anyway, because it was an accident, I thought I would have a go at writing a silly letter to get out of paying. Well, I found out it worked, so it just goes to show... Well, I dunno what it goes to show (perhaps this is where those in the know with behaviour and the like can pipe it), but here it is (word or word) for record keepings sake: - - - REASONS WHY I DIDN'T PAY MY TICKET. In light of everything going on in provincial and federal politics, I was…
... "Oh, it's just a parade" - - - O.K. O.K. really more to do with the children's theme rather than science per se, although perhaps fanangling these types of quick responses is a science in itself. This is actually something that happened in real life, and the quick response was my wife, Kate. I just remember thinking it was so funny when it came out, deadpan like, but maybe you had to be there. I do remember saying "nice cover" though. This is the only thing Kate has ever submitted anywhere, and it was good old McSweeney's that she tried. It, of course, got rejected. I always…
Despite the recurring theme of rejection with many of the pieces I submit, I find you still get the sense that you were (nevertheless) in good hands. In other words, you'd like to think that the editors who take the time to read your material and then leave generally ambiguous statements about your work, are not saying "no" without good reason. It certainly makes you feel all the more special when something does make the grade. In some respects, I think my first accepted piece at McSweeney's (The Von Trapp Children Speak to a Geneticist) is a good example of this. It was fun to write, and it…
Seeing how we're all about puzzles lately, and having made a token (quick) review of the book. Here's a list. Please add if you find any other good ones. A CRUDDY WHERE'S ME. (DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAR?) A FED MAN TAKETH JAN. (JAKE AND THE FATMAN) INBORN GIT (BRING IT ON) OK ELF, DRESS FAT (FROSTED FLAKES) BLAST DEAN PAUL! (SPANDAU BALLET) GEE, MR WO, PRIMP A HORSY THING. (MIGHTY MORPHIN' POWER RANGERS)
Usually, when I write a humour piece, it all begins with me in the car listening to the radio, waiting for those moments when a song comes on that I hate - loath even. For instance, something like "Truth" by Spandau Ballet is just the sort of thing that will (seriously) make my ears bleed and force me to turn the stereo off. At which point, I have a moment of silence to think about things that could work in a science humour context. I find I usually start off with a silly title, and then essentially it goes from there. Because I teach, I also try to see if I can coerse the piece into…
1. p21RAS 2. C-3PO 3. CD45 4. p53 5. C-SRC 6. RIC-920 7. FOS-JUN 8. R2-D2 9. 8D8 10. C-MYC 1, 3, 4, 5, 7, 10 are oncogenes: 2, 6, 8, 9 are droids from Star Wars.
This is a tell-all from one of the mice in the trenches. It in fact stands as a historical document, the first published piece co-written by Ng and Cohen (back in the Spring). And it's a pin-up, for your own home and office and car and garage and lab. And bunker. People Magazine says, "A must read!" Sean Hannity says, "More evidence why the liberals are taking down America!" Stephen Hawking says, "Would. You. Like. To. Play. A. Game?" It's also a re-post, of sorts, reappearing after its first entry onto the world stage at The Science Creative Quarterly, and then circulating thereafter…